Sugar fiend

For the rest of the month, I'm going to try to write here every single weekday! Whoa, what crazy commitment.

Yom Kippur has passed, and I made it 22 hours without food or water. It was so, so difficult for me to do nothing all day. No walks, no exercise, no going out because it's still 100+ degrees outside and I can't have water. The entire day is a bargain with myself.

Wake up at 10am; well, see if you can make it till noon. Oh god, it's only 10:36, I'll never make it till noon. Okay, it's noon. I can make it to 1. I can make it to 2. Ok, at 3:30 I give myself permission to cave. Well, maybe 4. Ok, 4:30 is 22 hours and I give in.

It's amazing how often you still have to pee when you're dehydrated.

Then I had pizza and a hard cider, which was probably not a good idea and gave me an even worse dehydration headache than the one I already had.

Oh yeah, I've been there

I really, really need to cut back on my sugar intake. The hardest part about doing that is that I work at a very popular coffee shop where I get all the free drinks I like during my shift. And it's salted caramel time. I would be perfectly content to just eat a small cup of whipped cream, caramel, and salt with a spoon.

I've been changing my drink from the horrific 30g+ of sugar sweet cinnamon steamer to a decaf americano with a few pumps of caramel. I don't drink caffeine -- at all. So even the two decaf shots I've been drinking have been making me jittery, and I really don't want to get addicted again, even mildly. But it's so hard to work a shift without drinking anything, and I'm sick of iced tea.

But I've got to get the sugar under control; no amount of exercise is going to change anything when my sugar intake is so nuts. So for the rest of this week, I am only going to have one of those caramel americanos per shift, and NO OTHER SUGAR DRINKS. Since I'll be posting every day, I can keep track of my progress. And my daily sugar grams!

What's your biggest sugar weakness??

Sacrilicious

Tonight begins the Jewish holiday of Yom Kippur. From sundown tonight until sundown tomorrow I will fast to repent my sins, ask forgiveness from God, and forgive those who I might be mad at. It's the holiest of days in the Jewish calendar and very serious.

I like the clean slate of Yom Kippur. I like not holding on to guilt or anger, but releasing it at least once a year. I like the idea of using the fast to aide in prayers; when you feel a rumble of hunger, remember why you're doing it, and it makes it more meaningful.

I also like Yom Kippur because it's two chances to binge. It is terrible, and I'll have to ask forgiveness for feeling this way, but I like Yom Kippur because I get to binge. I binge before sundown tonight, fast for 24 hours, and then binge tomorrow night because I can rationalize I haven't eaten in 24 hours.

I know this is disordered eating, and I do want to work on it. I also want a pizza. Bingeing is numbing. Food is comfort. It's a hard cycle to break. It's not just a matter of willpower, it's changing the way I feel and react not just to food, but to life-stress, boredom, and emotions. Willpower is bullshit. It's creating an entirely new way of thinking from how I've learned to think over the last 35 years. It's overcoming a compulsion.

I'm going to try and make some changes. I have a coupon for a free slice of pizza at an excellent local pizza place. Maybe I'll break my fast with a slice instead of a whole pie. 

A new way of eating, a new way of life.

I'm taking a break from agonizing over an applied linguistics paper to update on my progress with Slow Carb after two weeks. The results? Not bad.

I barely lost any weight this week, but things got muddled with the Yom Kippur holiday, and I essentially took three cheat days (with a 24 fast within that 72 hours). This led to me only losing a pound, HOWEVER, my measurements look much better! My stomach is definitely getting smaller, and my body fat percentage has gone from 43.85% on 9/26 to 39.2% today. I like being in the 30s...looks much less like half my body is made of fat.

The cheat days proved to me what I discovered last week. Popcorn tastes like cardboard. Olive Garden is just disgusting. Sweet things generally taste too sweet (my beloved chocolate marshmallows? Not so beloved anymore). I still love ice cream with every fiber of my being.

I noticed how I felt over the weekend. Too full, too uncomfortable, too tired. I feel healthier when I'm eating Slow Carb. Don't get me wrong, the only way I've lasted this long is the cheat days. If I had to eat this way straight through the week with no break, I'd fall off the wagon in a big way.

I mostly succeeded in eating beans twice a day, either with breakfast and lunch or lunch and dinner. I'm trying to stick with that plan this week. I'm also limiting my almonds; the book warns that they can get out of control -- but when they're covered with cocoa powder and cinnamon, they're just SO GOOD! This week I'm limiting almonds to three days.

I'm also recommitting to Zumba. I haven't been since before I went to Cincinnati a month ago. It's time to get back, even if it's just two times a week.

I'm disappointed that my weight is still so high, but I'm really encouraged by the body fat drop. I checked the book back out from the library, and I'm going to stick with it through another week!

Week One and Keeping on

Yesterday I weighed in at the completion of my first week on Slow Carb. I lost a net weight of 4 pounds for the week (cheat day bumped me back up 2 pounds). Still, I'm happy to be four pounds down (and five as of this morning). I took my measurements and although my stomach measured bigger (HOW THE HELL?) my thighs were one inch smaller than last week. I did lower my body fat percentage, but only by less than 1%.

I feel it was successful enough and produced enough benefits to keep at it for another week. My goals for this week are to include beans in at least 2 out of 3 meals. Yesterday and today I had eggs, spinach and black beans with turkey bacon. Yesterday for lunch I had my DELICIOUS balsamic chicken leftovers, and there are black beans in that. I bought a white bean soup that I'll probably have for lunch today.

I've run and walked one mile every day of October so far.

--OH GOOD GOD, NEIGHBOR, WHY ARE YOU RUNNING YARD EQUIPMENT BEFORE 8am? I really need to get that airhorn --

Ahem. Sorry. So my exercise has been good, and I'm going to keep going to Crossfit to build strength. (And Zumba...need to go at least 5 times this month to make my monthly pass worth it)

Only three more days until the next cheat day, which I'm splitting in half because of Yom Kippur. I'll eat normal Slow Carb for breakfast and lunch on Friday, then "cheat" a little from 1-6:30pm. I'll fast until 6:30pm Saturday night, and then attend a break the fast potluck with some friends.