Start Small

Yesterday I did very well with my goals! I only had one decaf americano with caramel and half and half at work -- a far cry from my two or four drinks with lots of syrup and calorie-filled toppings.

I can feel myself getting addicted to the caffeine even in the decaf though, and I don't like it. I'm going to cut it back to just one shot of decaf espresso.

I ate 56g of sugar yesterday -- my current goal for the week is to eat fewer than 80g of sugar. That's a LOT of sugar, but it's not at all unheard of. Start with fewer than 80g. Work it down until it's around 40g. Sounds a lot better than just cutting it off alltogether!

I ate very lightly yesterday, and I mostly focused on eating proteins instead of carbs and sugars. I was still hungry when I went to bed, but I had a DietBet to win this morning! I weighed in at 6 ounces less than I needed to win the DietBet, so as soon as it gets verified, I'll let you know how much money I won off that ;-)

I've won two out of the three DietBets I've finished this year; this win would be number three. It hasn't really helped me break out of this plateau I've been in for over a year, but it does help me from going any higher, plus I win some money! I won $11 with the first one, and $17 with the second. Nothing to quit my job over, but it's more than I had before, and it kept me honest when I'd binge!

I try to join the big, popular games over a small game with people I may know, because the odds are better with a big group and a big pot of money that more people will fail and my payout will be bigger :-) This isn't the only way I monetize my weight loss! Tomorrow I'll write a summary of all the things I do to make money off weight loss.

Do you track your sugar intake? Do you feel like you eat a lot of hidden sugars during the day? You'd be surprised!

Sugar fiend

For the rest of the month, I'm going to try to write here every single weekday! Whoa, what crazy commitment.

Yom Kippur has passed, and I made it 22 hours without food or water. It was so, so difficult for me to do nothing all day. No walks, no exercise, no going out because it's still 100+ degrees outside and I can't have water. The entire day is a bargain with myself.

Wake up at 10am; well, see if you can make it till noon. Oh god, it's only 10:36, I'll never make it till noon. Okay, it's noon. I can make it to 1. I can make it to 2. Ok, at 3:30 I give myself permission to cave. Well, maybe 4. Ok, 4:30 is 22 hours and I give in.

It's amazing how often you still have to pee when you're dehydrated.

Then I had pizza and a hard cider, which was probably not a good idea and gave me an even worse dehydration headache than the one I already had.

Oh yeah, I've been there

I really, really need to cut back on my sugar intake. The hardest part about doing that is that I work at a very popular coffee shop where I get all the free drinks I like during my shift. And it's salted caramel time. I would be perfectly content to just eat a small cup of whipped cream, caramel, and salt with a spoon.

I've been changing my drink from the horrific 30g+ of sugar sweet cinnamon steamer to a decaf americano with a few pumps of caramel. I don't drink caffeine -- at all. So even the two decaf shots I've been drinking have been making me jittery, and I really don't want to get addicted again, even mildly. But it's so hard to work a shift without drinking anything, and I'm sick of iced tea.

But I've got to get the sugar under control; no amount of exercise is going to change anything when my sugar intake is so nuts. So for the rest of this week, I am only going to have one of those caramel americanos per shift, and NO OTHER SUGAR DRINKS. Since I'll be posting every day, I can keep track of my progress. And my daily sugar grams!

What's your biggest sugar weakness??

Sacrilicious

Tonight begins the Jewish holiday of Yom Kippur. From sundown tonight until sundown tomorrow I will fast to repent my sins, ask forgiveness from God, and forgive those who I might be mad at. It's the holiest of days in the Jewish calendar and very serious.

I like the clean slate of Yom Kippur. I like not holding on to guilt or anger, but releasing it at least once a year. I like the idea of using the fast to aide in prayers; when you feel a rumble of hunger, remember why you're doing it, and it makes it more meaningful.

I also like Yom Kippur because it's two chances to binge. It is terrible, and I'll have to ask forgiveness for feeling this way, but I like Yom Kippur because I get to binge. I binge before sundown tonight, fast for 24 hours, and then binge tomorrow night because I can rationalize I haven't eaten in 24 hours.

I know this is disordered eating, and I do want to work on it. I also want a pizza. Bingeing is numbing. Food is comfort. It's a hard cycle to break. It's not just a matter of willpower, it's changing the way I feel and react not just to food, but to life-stress, boredom, and emotions. Willpower is bullshit. It's creating an entirely new way of thinking from how I've learned to think over the last 35 years. It's overcoming a compulsion.

I'm going to try and make some changes. I have a coupon for a free slice of pizza at an excellent local pizza place. Maybe I'll break my fast with a slice instead of a whole pie. 

Still fighting the fight

Yeah! That's how it works, right?

Everything You Know is Wrong

I am becoming increasingly more and more cranky about counting calories. Mostly because it doesn't really seem to be helping. 1200 or 1800 calories, either way I'm not seeing a difference. When I stopped eating for a month after the breakup, I definitely noticed weight loss in my clothes. But as I healed and regained my appetite, no amount of restricting seems to be helping; I'm exercising 3-5 times a week, but my belly feels bigger than ever and my underwear isn't as loose as it was in December.

So when I read this article on Jezebel the other day, I really wanted to set fire to the My Fitness Pal app (except that would really just involve destroying my phone, and I like my phone). It's gotten to where I really don't even bother reading most health articles any more. Fat is good! Fat is bad! Carbs are good! Carbs are bad! Calories are everything! Calories are meaningless!

You know what I like to do? I like to try and follow Clean Eating and the 80/20 rule. If I'm eating clean -- no preservatives, no artificial ingredients, no or less white flour/sugars -- and then I eat a cheese danish or something every now and then, I'm pretty happy. Maybe it's not reflecting any weight loss for me yet, but I feel healthier now than I ever did when I was eating Lean Cuisines and 100-calorie packs every single damn day. That's another danger with calorie counting -- would I rather have this healthy thing for 120 calories or this pack of crap for 100 calories? Crap it is!

I have just this past week started calorie counting again, but really just to get an idea of where I'm at at the end of the day. Eating intuitively -- ice cream if I want it, but not binging; stopping when I feel full -- I come in right between 1500 and 2000 calories (plus exercise). Now, eating variety is something I still need to work on. I still default to peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and triscuits and cheese when I can't decide what I want to eat.

I never thought it possible, but I do binge less when I'm eating intuitively! Not gonna lie, it took a while and a lot of pizzas to get there. Eventually I realized, when I can have everything, I don't want it any more. A pint of Ben and Jerry's now lasts over a week in my house. Turns out I only wanted a few bites. An entire box of Trader Joe's spinach and artichoke dip disappears in an afternoon. And it's okay. I'm okay.

Pizza is my BFF.

What works - what doesn't work?

I'm about to finish my second week on the Four-Hour Body's Slow Carb diet. The scale isn't showing much of a change, but my pants are noticeably looser, and I know I'm gaining muscle from strength training 2-3 times a week.

I'm still struggling with the diet -- the same problems I have with any low-carb diet. I get so physically ill eating the same high-protein foods over and over. I'm doing all right in the mornings with my eggs and turkey bacon, but I'm having trouble facing chicken and salads. I feel like I'd really rather throw up than eat the allowed foods.

I've been tracking my foods in MyFitnessPal, mostly so I can make sure I'm getting enough nutrients, proteins and carbs, and I'm generally eating 1200 calories or less. Just because I cannot eat any more.

Why am I keeping this up? I'm giving it a full month, until the end of August, to see how I feel and how my body is doing (btw, my abs? TOTALLY THERE. Ablicious!). I like this diet because I do believe carbs and processed foods are harmful and slow carb forces me to eat real, whole foods. It's also easy: there's a list of foods I'm allowed to eat, and that's it. There's control. That's really the bottom line. If I can't control my diet, then I am out of control and on a binge.

I had great success with Weight Watchers from 2006-2009. I tracked my points carefully, often plotting out everything I would eat for the day in the morning before leaving for school or work. The problem with this plan, and the reason I'm hesitant to try it again? I was eating almost exclusively processed foods. It's difficult to count points with recipes (this was before recipe calculators that are popular now), and I don't have a food scale. While frozen foods and packaged snacks tell me exactly how many calories/points they contain. I know even if I was just counting calories with MyFitnessPal, I would still be tempted to fall back on processed foods instead of eating real foods.

It's still healthy even if I can't pronounce over half the ingredients, right?

And so I stick with Slow Carb, at least until August 31. I'm looking forward to seeing my measurements at the end of the month!

What works for you in your way of eating? Do you need to have the control, and how do you include more whole foods in your diet?

Rodeo Week!

It's rodeo week in Tucson!!

Which is apparently kind of a big deal, but I wouldn't know, since I'm from the midwest. I know the a lot of the schools in the area close for the rodeo. We get to wear our western wear to work on Wednesday, but since I'm from Ohio, I'm just going to wear normal clothes.

I was trying to think of a way to link the Wild West and the rodeo to weight loss, but I just can't come up with anything. Unless I die of dysentery, but that's really more a pacific northwest thing. Lucky bastards.

This week! I was pretty good! I went to the gym four times, thus honoring my pact with Gympact. I can't wait to see how much money I get for last week; since I added an extra day, I get an extra share of the winnings. REALLY looking forward to that Hulu+ subscription!

Yesterday I weighed in four pounds down for the week. Which is very yay! And then there was the monkey bread. I really wanted to have a nice, homemade breakfast with Boyfriend -- I'd been thinking banana bread, these bananas in my kitchen are almost goo -- but he suggested monkey bread. Actually, he suggested french toast AND monkey bread, but I talked him back down to just the monkey bread.

(What the hell is monkey bread? Also called pull-apart bread, it's basically refrigerated biscuits, cinnamon, sugar, butter and brown sugar. SO GOOD. SO FULL OF FATTY CARBS.)

 

 

 

 

There's no way this is good for you.

At first I was good. I counted the calories for EVERYTHING I ate, even if it meant I used up most of my daily allotment by 2pm. But I discovered something, which is probably a very DUH realization, but it just hit home yesterday: empty carby sugar makes me HUNGRIER. I'd done pretty well with the hunger all week. I'll have you know I had NO ICE CREAM and DID NOT order pizza! But as soon as I had a serving of that monkey bread, I was ravenous. I went back several more times during the day, then ate dinner, had popcorn at the video store, and had MORE monkey bread.

As a result, my net loss for the week on the scale this morning was 2.6. I'm 183 even.

I have seen my enemy, and it is sugar. I even saw it a little with the lowfat frozen yogurt I bought. I could be full and satisfied, have a small helping of frozen yogurt to kill the ice cream craving, and then suddenly I was hungry again!

Now that I know my weakness, how am I going to avoid it? No ice cream and no pizza again this week (I did have one Lean Cuisine pizza last week, and it helped). No baking things I know I can't control myself with! There's leftover monkey crack, but I'm not eating any more of it. If I don't start, I won't lose control.

Four gym workouts this week is the goal. REALLY hoping to see the 170s by next Monday!

Fall Down, Get Up, Keep Going

I'm frustrated. I'm making the same stupid mistakes -- rookie mistakes -- and as a result I've gained weight every week so far this month. I've been bouncing back and forth between diets and sticking to none of them. I'm just gonna count calories! No...I'm gonna do slimfast and count calories! No...I need to go back to Weight Watchers. No...I'm gonna do clean eating (that one didn't last out the day). No...I'm gonna do low-sugar!

 

Seriously? Just pick a fucking way of eating and stick with it. Because it's really not a diet. It's a way of eating for the REST OF MY LIFE.

 

I'm too fat and nothing fits!

 

 

I'll be honest, I've been using the MyFitnessPal app this year, and it has helped. For a week there my pants were even fitting more loosely! I wasn't tracking fruits or vegetables, however, giving them to myself as "freebies," and I think that stalled any real progress.

 

I've been reading other weight-loss blogs and fitness blogs all day for inspiration, to rejuvenate my passion for healthy eating, exercise, and weight loss. 110 Pounds and Counting has been really helpful. She lost weight by counting calories, and went through a lot of the same metamorphasis I did -- starting with convenience packaged, processed diet foods and moving to making meals and whole foods. I hope I can someday be as inspirational as she is. In 2003 I weighed 265 pounds, and in February 2011 I weighed 147. Today I weigh 185. I can lose weight -- I lost over 100 pounds and kept it off for years. I'm horrified at how much has creeped back on, and that just makes me want to eat.

 

Here are two of the biggest dangers: Ice cream and pizza. I have long said if I can't have these in my life, I don't want to bother living, but they are HUGE trigger foods. When the Boyfriend and I get a pizza, I can eat no fewer than 4 slices. Of a large! With extra cheese! I usually give up tracking on MyFitnessApp on those days. I've actually been pretty good about portioning ice cream (though eyeballing it, not measuring), but when the ice cream I eat has 300 calories for 1/2 cup, that's just so much wasted calories.

 

(Boyfriend and I are doing No Candy this month, so that may be adding to my sweet cravings)

 

For a week -- just ONE week! -- I'm not going to order pizza or buy ice cream. You know what I can have? A Lean Cuisine pizza (portion controlled). My favorite is the Spinach and Mushroom. I can buy LOWFAT frozen yogurt and the new Cuties made with coconut milk. I hope this will help me get over the hump and tone down my addictions to these foods. At the end of one week, if I''ve made it, well let's see if I can do it for another week, and then see how long I can go! (Actually, this is how I learned to drop fast food. "You know, I haven't had Wendy's in two months! Let's see if I can go another month. Let's see if I can go five months. You know, I really don't need to go back." Haven't since 2008.)

 

Verboten!!

 

 

I'm aiming to exercise four times a week. I'm working on a post about that.

 

Also, I'm going to take PICTURES of ME. I used to do a "day in the life" photoblogs all the time. I was okay with having my picture taken. But my Facebook icon now is from September 2011. I'm so embarrased with how I look I haven't kept a picture of myself in months. But if I FORCE myself to look at me as I really am, I can no longer kid myself about my weight (like the only four or five shirts that fit me that I rotate every week aren't hilarious enough).

 

How many times do I have to start over? Until I get it right.

Food Panic

I've been trying to be more intuitive about my eating, and I noticed something.

I have Food Panic.

I went to my parents in Cincinnati for Thanksgiving, and ate absolutely everything all weekend long. The last day I was so absolutely sick of food. I got to the airport that evening and bought myself a slice of food court pizza. I finished it while waiting at the gate. The flight attendant comes over the PA and announces that there is no meal on this flight, even in first class, so people may want to go get something now.

Ok, let's look at this. 1) I'm flying economy, so I'm not getting a meal even if it's lunchtime. 2) I ate all weekend, and 3) I just ate a slice of pizza. This announcement should not have applied to me.

Yet as soon as I heard it, I got the Food Panic. No food on the flight? It's three and a half hours! What will I do?! I had to actively talk myself out of going to get more food, because clearly I didn't need it. On the plane I snacked on a small pack of peanuts, a few Starburst, and a chocolate covered marshmallow.

Heading to work Tuesday, I was hit again with Food Panic. I'd eaten well all day; a healthy breakfast and lunch. I was full after lunch. I didn't have a snack in the afternoon. On my way to work about 4:45pm for a two-hour shift, I had the Food Panic. I didn't bring a snack! I'd have nothing to eat for over two hours! I had to stop myself from running into the grocery for a banana. While it would be healthy, I think it's important not to give in to the Food Panic.

I do try to keep my purse stocked with a few snacks to keep the Food Panic away. There's never been a time when I've truly gone hungry. And yet the idea of being unprepared and hungry for a few hours triggers an anxiety that I have to fight.

Top Five Purse Snacks to Fight Food Panic
5. Larabars. THESE ARE SO GOOD. Apple pie is a good flavor.
4. 100-calorie snack packs. I like the Snackwell's caramel chocolate popcorn and Baked Cheetos.
3. Candy. Not the healthiest option, but satisfies a sweet craving.
2. Nuts. Peanuts, cocoa-covered almonds, cinnamon-covered almonds, trail mix. It's a good, healthy source of protein.
1. Fruit. Apples and bananas are good, although bananas get pretty bruised after a day. I like the Banana Guard to keep my bananas fresh!

There is Something Wrong with Me

There is seriously something wrong with me that I can eat 5 small creme puffs, a pint of Ben and Jerry's, a dinner, and still be looking for more food in the same evening. That was my Tuesday night.

You may have guessed from my radio silence that the dieting has not been going so well.  The exercise was doing all right, but took two weeks off for surgery and recovery. Tonight I'm determined to go for a run again -- right before surgery I was able to run 1.5 miles without stopping! That's the most I've ever run in one stretch.

I had to go out today and buy larger tops for my new job, and a larger pair of jeans. It's so humiliating to buy clothes in a size UP instead of DOWN. I've been flipping through diet plan after diet plan and just eating everything anyway. Time to just simply count calories for awhile, I think. I know weight loss is more complicated than "calories in, calories out," but I can't get control over my binging any other way.

Today I was 177.8. That's the highest weight I've been since 2007. I am so disappointed to have backslid so far. I'm determined to lose 2.8 pounds by Monday. I have to think small and manageable. I have to get control of my life again. 

A new way of eating, a new way of life.

I'm taking a break from agonizing over an applied linguistics paper to update on my progress with Slow Carb after two weeks. The results? Not bad.

I barely lost any weight this week, but things got muddled with the Yom Kippur holiday, and I essentially took three cheat days (with a 24 fast within that 72 hours). This led to me only losing a pound, HOWEVER, my measurements look much better! My stomach is definitely getting smaller, and my body fat percentage has gone from 43.85% on 9/26 to 39.2% today. I like being in the 30s...looks much less like half my body is made of fat.

The cheat days proved to me what I discovered last week. Popcorn tastes like cardboard. Olive Garden is just disgusting. Sweet things generally taste too sweet (my beloved chocolate marshmallows? Not so beloved anymore). I still love ice cream with every fiber of my being.

I noticed how I felt over the weekend. Too full, too uncomfortable, too tired. I feel healthier when I'm eating Slow Carb. Don't get me wrong, the only way I've lasted this long is the cheat days. If I had to eat this way straight through the week with no break, I'd fall off the wagon in a big way.

I mostly succeeded in eating beans twice a day, either with breakfast and lunch or lunch and dinner. I'm trying to stick with that plan this week. I'm also limiting my almonds; the book warns that they can get out of control -- but when they're covered with cocoa powder and cinnamon, they're just SO GOOD! This week I'm limiting almonds to three days.

I'm also recommitting to Zumba. I haven't been since before I went to Cincinnati a month ago. It's time to get back, even if it's just two times a week.

I'm disappointed that my weight is still so high, but I'm really encouraged by the body fat drop. I checked the book back out from the library, and I'm going to stick with it through another week!

Binge Day

Things I have consumed on this, my binge day:

• 2 scrambled eggs and liquid egg whites (supposed to start the day with normal plan breakfast)
• 2 Kroger cupcakes
• 2 caramel apples
• 2 tablespoons Betty Crocker whipped cream cheese frosting
•  3/4 of a Route 44 cherry limeade and large tater tots from Sonic (had a coupon for free Rt. 44 beverage)
• 2 Starburst
• 3 brownies
• Honeycrisp apple
• Small frozen yogurt
• Large frozen yogurt (I was REALLY craving this one place that has awesome flavors and toppings)
• Small popcorn
• Four pieces of cheese pizza 

(Notice: NO MEAT)
What? I told you I had a binging problem. A few weeks ago that might have been a normal day.

I can notice the differences this diet has made already. Friday night I was SOO excited to eat normal foods. Then I woke up this morning and ate my eggs and realized...I didn't really feel the need to go crazy. (Obviously I did anyway)

I noticed foods taste different, especially processed foods. The Kroger cupcakes with the whippy icing I used to love didn't taste as good. The canned frosting tasted awful...pure sugar and no flavor. The Starburst were WAY too sweet. The buttered popcorn that I used to savor tasted like cardboard. (The frozen yogurt and fruit still tasted amazing. I am never not going to love ice cream)

A new follower on Twitter suggested that I think of it not as a binge day, but a cheat day. I don't have to stuff myself for the week. I can just get a taste or two of things I miss. I'm chalking today up as a week one experiment, but next week I'll definitely take that advice. Next week's cheat day will also be Friday until sundown, because I'll be fasting on Saturday for Yom Kippur.

My main goal for the coming week, besides my new 1-mile-a-day running challenge with my friend, is to add more beans to my meals. Especially black beans, since I can stand them. Black beans and eggs. Black beans in the salads. Trader Joe's had a tasty white bean thing I sampled and then didn't buy. MORE BEANS.

As much as I complain about the boring foods, the uber proteins and the disgusting beans, I've eaten whole, unprocessed foods for the last five days and drank more water than ever. For some reason a high protein diet makes me really thirsty, and I can down 6 or 7 24-oz cups of lemon water a day, compared to the 3 I drank today (and really had to force down).

We'll see my weigh-in results for Monday. I don't think the weight will be as good as it was this morning (down 6 pounds), but I bet the body fat percentage is lower!

Making It

I've successfully made it to day five with no cheating except a bite of a piece of blue cheese the Boyfriend gave me when he wanted to discern whether or not it was a piece of cheese (he's lactose intolerant). I ate a small bite and set the rest of the piece aside. In the grand scheme it probably really wouldn't have mattered if I ate an entire crumble of cheese, but I needed to know for myself that I could stick this out.

I'll be honest, the knowledge that binge day is tomorrow has done a lot to help keep me on track. This is the longest I've made it on a low carb diet in years. I can't see doing strict low/no-carb for an extended period of time. I need a break.

AND OH, HOW I SHALL FEAST!! I went to the store today and bought bananas, cupcakes, brownie mix, caramel apples and canned frosting. And popcorn. And I'll probably have a pizza. AND NO MEAT. God, I am sick to death of meat.

I hope this binge thing works. I know it's not the best theory health-wise. For someone who already has binging problems, giving them the go-ahead to binge their heart out once a week? Not addressing any underlying issues that got me where I am. But I'm doing this now because I need a strict plan I can stick to in order to get this weight off. I've lost four pounds so far this week, and I'd love to drop another one or two.

We'll see how weigh-in goes on Monday! At the very least I'd love to see a change in my body fat percentage, because last Monday's was a huge eye-opener.

Do You Like Beans?

Do you eat beans with George Wendt? (Animaniacs)

For the last few weeks, my eating has been out of control. I flew home to Cincinnati for 8 days for a wedding, and I ate everything in sight -- good, comfort Cincinnati foods like Skyline Chili and La Rosa's, but also crap foods like candy and Steak 'N Shake.

As a result, of course, my weight is now the highest it has been in years. I'm at a weight I swore I'd never go back to.

For the last few weeks I've also been reading The Four Hour Body by Tim Ferriss. He promotes what he calls a "slow carb" diet that's stricter than any low-carb diet I've done (mostly South Beach). No dairy at all. No fruits, LOTS of beans. I hate beans. What's kind of selling me on this diet is that it's encouraged to take a cheat day. All you can eat of whatever you want one day a week.

Now, let me say that I know proper nutrition. I know fruits aren't the devil. I know it's better to eat whole, clean foods all the time, and not a good idea to gorge yourself on junk. But the book is very persuasive in its results. So I'm giving it a try.

Have I mentioned I hate beans? It's a texture thing, really. They're grainy and chewy and UGH.

The author recommends taking pictures of your meals to keep you honest. Yesterday I had scrambled eggs with spinach and turkey bacon for breakfast

NO BEANS

a salad with salmon, kalamata olives, black beans, egg and artichoke hearts for lunch, and a "fajita bowl" consisting of grilled chicken, pinto beans and guacamole for dinner.

It tastes worse than it looks.

No pictures of lunch, but trust me, it was delicious. Dinner not so much. Oh God, how I hate pinto beans. I ate a few good forkfuls and then just ate the chicken pieces.

Snacks included turkey jerky (but at $5 a bag, I'm trying to ration it), peanuts and almonds with cocoa powder and cinnamon.

I made it through day one. I'm really only sure I can do this at all because of the cheat day. The last few times I've tried South Beach, I get so nauseous from all the meat and protein by around day three or four, that I just give up. Ferriss states up front in his book that this is not a fun diet. I have a whole closet full of clothes I can't wear. I'm ready for less fun.

This Week's Diet

This week I'm following the "Eat everything in the fridge/freezer" diet. I'm trying to eat up all the perishables before I leave town for an 8-day visit to Ohio. Once I return, I'm going to try a new Way of Eating that doesn't allow dairy, so I'm trying to eat it all up. It's not very weight-loss effective, but it's nice on my wallet.

I know I'm not going to be counting Points while I'm in Ohio, because there are too many rare, tasty treats that I don't have access to here in Tucson. They taste better than losing weight, to be perfectly honest. UDF Cherry Cordial, Skyline Chili, LaRosa's pizza, Panera, Steak 'n Shake, Sake, First Watch....I'm just going to try and not go overboard like I've done the past few times I've been home. The plan is to try and limit myself to one Ohio treat a day.

Although Dad and I are going to a Red's game where I may have a Skyline coney and UDF ice cream in a Red's hat.

Is it wrong that I associate events with food like that? :-\

Shooting Myself in the Foot

Yesterday was the first day I ate "on plan" since last Monday.  Today I weighed myself. In one week, I did 5 pounds worth of damage to my body and my progress. I know I can't beat myself up over this, or I'll just repeat the cycle, but at this point I fear I'll never get out of the binge/diet routine. I've gotten out of it in the past...for years even.

I like to eat. I like food. I enjoy going out to local restaurants. But there's a balance that I'm clearly missing. I can't keep going between EAT ALL THE THING and EAT NOTHING. Research has clearly shown yo-yo dieting is seriously harmful to the body.


Here I am, back on plan again. I'm taking this one day at a time. Yesterday I was good, I even exercised. Today I have been good. One day at a time.

Have you heard of Fitocracy? It's an awesome new website that gives you points for each workout you do. You earn achievements and can "level up" just like a game. Last night I ran/walked and earned 66 points. Almost to level 2! Working out is definitely more fun when there's incentives :-)

Trying to Catch Up with the Wagon

This week I did something not-so-bright. I entered Tucson's Cake Bake-Off contest on Tuesday. This involved baking 30 tres leches cupcakes on Monday. Tres leches cupcakes involving sweetened condensed milk. I had too many tablespoon tastes.


Then at the event itself, there were CAKES. Cakes to TASTE. I had to taste cakes.

And it's been a quick slip from one or two bad days to, well I may as well eat everything. The worst part? I didn't even win the contest!

We had pizza the other night, and instead of counting Points on it and limiting myself to two slices, I ate four. And then I had heartburn. I realized, I've been feeling really good since I've been eating right and exercising -- I've had natural energy and no heartburn or sick stomach. I've been hungry and sleepy, but that's the worst of it. There really is something to this healthy eating thing.

The wagon is rolling down a hill, and I'm trying to catch up with it. What are your tips or suggestions for getting back after a binge?

How do you break the binge eating cycle?

This is a perfectly valid question being asked on the Weight Watchers Online Message Boards. I'm fighting the urge to binge every day, and I've been "on points" for eight days now.  

I want...
I want cupcakes. I want ice cream. I want a big breakfast of chocolate chip pancakes and eggs. I want to be able to eat something without worrying about the points.

Last Friday we went to a self-serve frozen yogurt place that's new in town. Thanks to Hungry Girl's tips on these places, I was able to calculate the points before leaving the house. I portioned one cup of yogurt into my giant cup, two tablespoons of marachino cherries, one tablespoon of cheesecake bites and two tablespoons of hot fudge. It was a large meals worth of points, but I hadn't touched my Weekly Points for the week, so it was fine. It was SO GOOD, and really satisfied my craving for an ice cream sundae. Yeah, it's still junk food, but it was an appropriate portion size and I tracked with my Weekly Points instead of just giving up and giving in.

Tip: If you fill this cup, it's probably a days worth of Points.

The problem I have is when I see people on the boards say "Oh, I know, binging is such a problem for me! I never use my Weekly Points. Today I had 15 nilla wafers [approximately 8 points]; I'm such a pig!"

Seriously? This is not a binge. Call me when you've gone through a half gallon of amaretto cherry cordial.

First of all, if your "binge" is 15 nilla wafers, then I don't know how you got fat in the first place. For most of us a binge is not counted; it's out of control eating and then you look back and go, "Whoa, what did I just do??"

Second, WHY AREN'T YOU EATING YOUR WEEKLY POINTS?! I'm not saying eat all of them, or even to eat when you aren't hungry. But 29 daily points is approximately 1,100 calories (hard to pinpoint since points don't take calories into account). That is really low. On the old plan, I ate around 1,500 calories a day. The Weekly Points are there to supplement the daily points. They're not shameful. You're not cooler or holier-than-thou because you don't eat them. You're just setting yourself up for a plateau as your body clings to every last bit of calories and fat you give it.

Some of the folks on the boards can be very competitive...trying to out-do each other with how little they can eat. I know this is not good Weight Watchers policy and they don't condone it, but they do make it easy for people to fall into a destructive eating spiral. If you have a genuine fear of eating all your daily points, or touching your weekly points, I urge you to go to a meeting or talk with a nutritionist or specialist.

Healthy eating is not all or nothing. We don't need to be afraid of food.