Adult Food Fun Time

Being an adult is really hard, you know? Especially with the whole "feeding yourself" thing.

I was a very picky eater as a child, and I largely outgrew that as I got older. I'll happily try anything at least once, and I've discovered a lot of "weird" foods that I now love, like escargot or kale. I don't have a problem clearing my plate when dinner is put in front of me at a restaurant or by one of my many friends who are wonderful cooks.

Why, then, is it so hard for me to feed myself?? It's one of the worst chores of being an adult -- even worse than having to clean the litter box. When I'm living with someone, I don't mind making healthy, delicious, balanced meals. But by myself, it's too much effort. I can barely stand to eat cheese and Triscuits.

I try every now and then. I find a recipe that might work, I buy ingredients, and then I proceed to never make it. It just seems like too much effort, and it doesn't even sound any good any more.

If I do manage to make a recipe, I inevitably make too much and choke down the leftovers for weeks. I'm still eating balsamic chicken and rice from two weeks ago.

So for a few days I eat whatever one recipe I managed to make, then I go back to peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and cheese and crackers and then I am just so bored of eating I can't stand it. Then I get a pizza.

There's a cycle here that needs breaking. I have SO MANY RECIPES. I have five or six cookbooks, physical books, then I have a few e-book cookbooks plus recipes from the internet that I've saved. So I'm going to try to start a bi-weekly cooking show where I cook through my cookbooks on YouTube! It helps me actually fucking make some food, it maybe helps another single dieter looking for something easy (because none of these recipes start with "in your dutch oven," I fucking promise you that), and potentially it's entertaining for everyone!

I'm kind of excited...we'll see how this goes! I'll probably work on filming the first one on Sunday, so expect something some time next week!

What do you do when you don't want to cook??

Start Small

Yesterday I did very well with my goals! I only had one decaf americano with caramel and half and half at work -- a far cry from my two or four drinks with lots of syrup and calorie-filled toppings.

I can feel myself getting addicted to the caffeine even in the decaf though, and I don't like it. I'm going to cut it back to just one shot of decaf espresso.

I ate 56g of sugar yesterday -- my current goal for the week is to eat fewer than 80g of sugar. That's a LOT of sugar, but it's not at all unheard of. Start with fewer than 80g. Work it down until it's around 40g. Sounds a lot better than just cutting it off alltogether!

I ate very lightly yesterday, and I mostly focused on eating proteins instead of carbs and sugars. I was still hungry when I went to bed, but I had a DietBet to win this morning! I weighed in at 6 ounces less than I needed to win the DietBet, so as soon as it gets verified, I'll let you know how much money I won off that ;-)

I've won two out of the three DietBets I've finished this year; this win would be number three. It hasn't really helped me break out of this plateau I've been in for over a year, but it does help me from going any higher, plus I win some money! I won $11 with the first one, and $17 with the second. Nothing to quit my job over, but it's more than I had before, and it kept me honest when I'd binge!

I try to join the big, popular games over a small game with people I may know, because the odds are better with a big group and a big pot of money that more people will fail and my payout will be bigger :-) This isn't the only way I monetize my weight loss! Tomorrow I'll write a summary of all the things I do to make money off weight loss.

Do you track your sugar intake? Do you feel like you eat a lot of hidden sugars during the day? You'd be surprised!

Sacrilicious

Tonight begins the Jewish holiday of Yom Kippur. From sundown tonight until sundown tomorrow I will fast to repent my sins, ask forgiveness from God, and forgive those who I might be mad at. It's the holiest of days in the Jewish calendar and very serious.

I like the clean slate of Yom Kippur. I like not holding on to guilt or anger, but releasing it at least once a year. I like the idea of using the fast to aide in prayers; when you feel a rumble of hunger, remember why you're doing it, and it makes it more meaningful.

I also like Yom Kippur because it's two chances to binge. It is terrible, and I'll have to ask forgiveness for feeling this way, but I like Yom Kippur because I get to binge. I binge before sundown tonight, fast for 24 hours, and then binge tomorrow night because I can rationalize I haven't eaten in 24 hours.

I know this is disordered eating, and I do want to work on it. I also want a pizza. Bingeing is numbing. Food is comfort. It's a hard cycle to break. It's not just a matter of willpower, it's changing the way I feel and react not just to food, but to life-stress, boredom, and emotions. Willpower is bullshit. It's creating an entirely new way of thinking from how I've learned to think over the last 35 years. It's overcoming a compulsion.

I'm going to try and make some changes. I have a coupon for a free slice of pizza at an excellent local pizza place. Maybe I'll break my fast with a slice instead of a whole pie. 

Clean Eating is Not Okay

This is a response to a Tumblr post disparaging the idea of clean eating. Take a minute to read through the original posts. I'm going to respond to this here and on my Tumblr, because there's a lot that I want to say about this post. First I want to say that I hear you, and I thank everyone above for sharing their thoughts.

A little background about me, because that will frame where I'm coming from: I grew up middle class and never had to worry about missing a meal. I've been overweight since elementary school. I made less than $10,000 last year (thanks, taxes, for bringing that disappointing fact to light), but I am fortunate to have a family that gives me support when I need it, including groceries. I am a 34-year-old white, Jewish, queer woman, with all the privileges/baggage that brings. I spent most of my 20s eating Lean Cuisine/Smart Ones/diet frozen foods, and it wasn't until I was 30 and moved to France that I realized I had no idea how to eat properly without frozen foods or peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. I was 30 years old with no idea how to feed myself real food.

I am currently a supporter of the Clean Eating "trend," and let me tell you why. Because I like eating whole foods. Because I like knowing what the fuck all the ingredients are in everything I eat. Because it actually forces me to eat more vegetables (ashamed to admit I've gone DAYS in the past without anything green). Because it goes along nicely with the idea of eating local – most things I find at the farmer's market (and I'm lucky that Tucson has at least two every day somewhere in the metro city area) are not going to have preservatives or artificial additives. Because I actually feel more connected to my food if I know what each individual ingredient is. Because I don't like restricting or calorie counting because it triggers disordered eating. Because I have found it affordable: there are clean grocery lists for Safeway and Trader Joe's, and they're easily transferable to your favorite cheap/discount grocery store. I never shop at Whole Foods, because I can't afford it. I can afford Trader Joe's and Safeway, and I'm privileged to be able to do so.

I, personally – and really this is all personal opinion only, that should go without saying –, have never thought of not clean eating as "dirty eating." I am not judging what you eat. Here's a secret, and I'm sorry to let you down, but I am not judging what you eat. I don't care what you eat. I don't have time for that. I'm trying to stay mentally and physically healthy and yet still sometimes counting calories and creating a detailed meal plan two weeks in advance, and I'm exhausted. I don't have time to care about your food, too. What you eat is just not important to me, I'm sorry. Was it supposed to be? I hope not. (You will see me snark on my blog when people come in to my coffee shop and order a sugar-free mocha with 20 pumps sugar free syrup, 10 splendas, non-fat milk, and extra whipped cream. I'm a believer in go-all or go-none. Whipped cream AND whole milk AND sugar syrup! So yes, I am shaking my head when that cup comes through my line, but I'm not thinking "And I bet she eats crappy food too!" I'm really not. I'm making the next drink. Because I just do not have time in my life to care what you eat).

Therefore, I never saw the clean eating movement as indicating any kind of moral/orthodox scale for foods. I do hear what is being said above about the connotations of calling it "clean" eating, and I respect those points and will happily call it "unprocessed" eating or "whole foods" eating from here on out. Food is food is food in that it's all digestible (except that Olean stuff, and what the fuck is that? I have anal leakage nightmares) and everyone's body can pick what it needs from it. My casserole made from whole ingredients is not any better or worse morally than someone else's bacon cheeseburger. It doesn't make me a better person, and it doesn't make them a terrible person. It makes us different people.

I'm not sure where the anger is coming from regarding food choices. As I said, I'm neither making your choices for you or caring what choice you make. If you want to choose the butter/cake/50-year lifespan, DO IT. Also, mmmm….cake. Also, my eating clean/unprocessed food is not removing this choice from your daily plate. You can choose to eat whatever the hell you want everyday, and more power to you, and I can understand being angry at the society that tells us all, every day, that we need to be on a diet. I'm angry at diets too. It's okay. I get really triggered and ranty when I see someone on my dash saying, "Oh no, I had two sweets this week, now I can't have any more sweets for two weeks!" because that, to me, is not how clean unprocessed/whole foods eating works. I like to pair it with intuitive eating, and sometimes my intuition wants a damn pizza. But I try and live by the 80/20 rule, where 80% of the time I'm eating whole/unprocessed and 20% of the time I'll have a nice, greasy pizza. So if we changed the name, with the same principles, would it be less of an issue? Some of the above responses sound angry that I won't fry a potato in canola or vegetable oil (although I will in EVOO or coconut oil, and yum!). I thought it was my choice? What I choose to eat for myself is never, ever imposed upon anyone else. My food philosophy does not invalidate your food philosophy just because they're different.

In fact, Tiffany from The Gracious Pantry, one of the best sites for clean unprocessed/whole foods eating recently admitted that she's been eating this way for four years, and she's still overweight. Does that make her a failure? Does that make the way of eating a failure? I say absolutely not. She still feels better, healthier, and has more energy than when she ate junk. I know I feel a million times better eating unprocessed/whole foods than I do eating overly-preserved convenience foods. I like how it makes me feel. I don't know how it makes you feel. I know low-carb makes me constantly nauseated to the point where I just stop eating. But I'm not mad at everyone who eats low-carb just because it makes me feel like shit.

Basically – the rest of society is hard enough on us, so can't we all just get along? Here, have some coconut flour pancakes. Let's break whole wheat bread together and clear the air.

Everything You Know is Wrong

I am becoming increasingly more and more cranky about counting calories. Mostly because it doesn't really seem to be helping. 1200 or 1800 calories, either way I'm not seeing a difference. When I stopped eating for a month after the breakup, I definitely noticed weight loss in my clothes. But as I healed and regained my appetite, no amount of restricting seems to be helping; I'm exercising 3-5 times a week, but my belly feels bigger than ever and my underwear isn't as loose as it was in December.

So when I read this article on Jezebel the other day, I really wanted to set fire to the My Fitness Pal app (except that would really just involve destroying my phone, and I like my phone). It's gotten to where I really don't even bother reading most health articles any more. Fat is good! Fat is bad! Carbs are good! Carbs are bad! Calories are everything! Calories are meaningless!

You know what I like to do? I like to try and follow Clean Eating and the 80/20 rule. If I'm eating clean -- no preservatives, no artificial ingredients, no or less white flour/sugars -- and then I eat a cheese danish or something every now and then, I'm pretty happy. Maybe it's not reflecting any weight loss for me yet, but I feel healthier now than I ever did when I was eating Lean Cuisines and 100-calorie packs every single damn day. That's another danger with calorie counting -- would I rather have this healthy thing for 120 calories or this pack of crap for 100 calories? Crap it is!

I have just this past week started calorie counting again, but really just to get an idea of where I'm at at the end of the day. Eating intuitively -- ice cream if I want it, but not binging; stopping when I feel full -- I come in right between 1500 and 2000 calories (plus exercise). Now, eating variety is something I still need to work on. I still default to peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and triscuits and cheese when I can't decide what I want to eat.

I never thought it possible, but I do binge less when I'm eating intuitively! Not gonna lie, it took a while and a lot of pizzas to get there. Eventually I realized, when I can have everything, I don't want it any more. A pint of Ben and Jerry's now lasts over a week in my house. Turns out I only wanted a few bites. An entire box of Trader Joe's spinach and artichoke dip disappears in an afternoon. And it's okay. I'm okay.

Pizza is my BFF.

Finding a balance

Eating-wise, I still have problems. I cannot seem to stick to a calorie plan. I'll be good all day, and then blow it at dinner. Or after a few days, I lose interest in eating anything at all. I know I eat better when I concentrate on making vegetables the focus of each meal, and damn the calories. I poop better too (ALWAYS a plus).

On the positive side, I've seriously thrown myself back into fitness. I know I've talked about GymPact before, but it's REALLY helping me get to the gym consistently 5 times a week, and I feel so much better, physically. I'm still not really losing weight, but I'm definitely starting to see some definition.

I'm devoting myself to Zumba again, since the last time I really liked my body I was doing about 8 hours of Zumba a week. If I can't make it to a class, I'll go to the gym, sequester myself in a raquetball court, and play the music off my iPod.

I'm also running, focusing on HIIT, or High-Intensity Interval Training. Today I ran 1.5 miles, the farthest I've ever gotten! And I broke my record speed! It really is helping me to run faster, because I'm very slow. I have short, stubby legs. 3.5 is a jog to me. I watch other people run at 6.0 or faster, and I just think I'd fall right off the treadmill. Today I got up to 4.3. I'd like to make it to a 5.0.

Weights are more sporadic right now, but I know they're important. Mostly I just feel stymied because I don't know what exercises I should be doing for which body part, and I never write it down so I never notice real improvement. I need to make a weight lifting notebook so I can create a set list of things to do and monitor my improvement.

I am most concerned about maintaining fitness right now. The food will come. I just got hired to work in a coffee shop part time, so that will help with movement and being on my feet. I bought a heart-rate monitor from a Groupon deal, and I've loved knowing exactly how many calories I'm burning in a workout/day. And how many steps I take. Shooting for 10,000 a day (approximately 5 miles a day).

I'm gonna be the fittest fat girl :-p

Right Track

So I don't want to jinx myself, but I seem to be doing pretty well this week! I've been PERFECTLY on plan for three out of four days, and on Valentine's Day I still tracked everything I ate and exercised that morning! Morning weigh-ins confirm I am down a couple pounds, although I'll get my official weigh-in Monday morning. Yesterday at work I resisted a CUPCAKE. CUPCAKE. It was a grocery store cupcake; if it had been gourmet, I totally would have caved.

Exercise has involved my two favorites: swimming and Zumba, although sporadically. I'm also running 3-4 times a week and doing strength training! Oh, so much strength training. My friend Kai, a crossfit guru, has been helping me with my form and encouraging me to use heavier weights. Tuesday we did lunges and squats, and my legs STILL hurt! Wednesday was the worst; I could barely move at all, and I declared that day a rest day.

Kai and her fiancee Sarah met me at the gym last night for some heavy lifting. I'd already been to the gym that morning for my cardio. I tried logging into Gympact, but apparently they think you can only work out once a day. DENIED.

"This is for my blog" "Well then shouldn't we be doing something?"

Sarah doing a super-impressive back squat

You will notice there are NO WEIGHTS on my bar. I can only handle the 45-pound bar itself.

 Yeah, I'm starting from scratch with the strength training. Four years ago I'd built up a bit of muscle, but it is gone, gone, gone, turned into fleshy fat and loose skin. I really appreciate the support and encouragement I get when I strength train with my friends. They keep me in proper form and give me new exercises to try!

I have a huge blocking fear of the deadlift. Many years ago I did it -- INCORRECTLY -- and I threw my back out. For over a week I was barely able to move, limping from class to work, and sitting on a heating pad all day. It was terrible. I really want to strengthen my back in other ways before I give it another try. This is just a reminder of how important correct form is when using weights. Improper form can, at best, just not work out the muscles enough and at worst, fuck you up painfully.

Boyfriend was out last night, so I made myself a dinner. Two turkey burgers cooked on the George Forman grill. I like watching the fatty bits drip off and into the tray. No bun, but reduced fat mayo with olive oil. I will sacrifice bread for mayo. Also Kraft sharp cheddar slices, ketchup and pickles. As you can see, I was starving and couldn't wait to take the first bite.

The weekend is coming, and that brings a new set of challenges. You see, at my crappy job, I work ALL DAY, ALL WEEKEND. 10 hours each day. It is very dull, and in the past I've grazed on junk all day just to make it through. Preparing to keep myself happy and full for the weekend has taken a lot of ADVANCED PLANNING. I already know what I'm going to eat through 7pm on Saturday. Snacks and such will be packed tonight, to save me time in the a.m.

How do you plan ahead for long days? I'd much rather have an array of snacks I may not eat than run out and be desperate enough to raid the vending machine. What do you do when you run out of healthy snacks? Do you suck down more water and pee every 10 minutes (burning calories running to the restroom!) or do you cave and find the least evil thing in the vending machine?

Oh Yeah, Stretching.

I had a great Valentine's Day last night! Boyfriend did his best to make sure I knew I was loved. He even made a special trip, at the end of an exhausting day at work, to a specialty cupcake shop to buy me the Valentine's cupcakes I wanted. <3 Then he came home and gave me the cupcakes, a card, roses, a GIANT box of candy, and made me a delicious dinner! I'm very lucky.

 

 

Now I feel bad, I just made him a mix CD

For dinner he made boiled artichokes. This is a dish we discovered we loved during vegetarian month last month. I knew I liked artichoke hearts in salad or cooked into other dishes, but I had no idea how amazingly delicious they were cooked fresh and dipped in garlic butter! Boyfriend is really branching out and becoming a great cook; at first all he knew how to make was baked tilapia (which is still yummy), but now he's made the artichokes and even lobster tail!

Turned into half an artichoke each because one fell on the floor upon removal from the pot :-(

I counted all the calories from yesterday, even though I went grossly over. Boyfriend decreed that the candy exemption was lifted for Valentine's Day, so I shoveled in way more of the candies than I should have. MMMMMMMM. Today the remainders go into work with me.

I had wanted to go swimming today, but my legs are omgsore. I did strength training with my friend Kai yesterday, and now I can barely move. I think today is a rest day. Although I do have a doctor's appointment later this evening, and it would be easier to bike down there than drive and try and find parking. Hopefully my legs can work well enough to pedal!

I think a lot of the pain is that I forgot to stretch before and most importantly after the workout. Angry muscles are angry.

Happy Valentine's Day!

I got up this morning and went to the gym! And I went yesterday! And now I'm very, very sore!! I had a great long workout yesterday, but today I just couldn't put in more than a half an hour. It doesn't help that it's a chilly, rainy day -- a rarity here in the desert, but it still affects my mood. 

Exercise helps my depression. Yesterday I felt really good about myself. Except then I was so drained I didn't do anything productive for the rest of the day. I need to build my endurance and strength back up. I want to be fit again!

Quick 'n easy cheesy

 Today's lunch is Trader Joe's brown rice with spinach sauteed with laughing cow light cheese. It was a quick and easy meal that I had a hankering for. And it uses up some foods that have been sitting in the pantry forever! I'm craving spinach. Maybe my iron's low.

Tonight Boyfriend is making me boiled artichokes. They are SOOO good, so good for me, and so low in calories! Of course, I dip them in garlic butter, but it's worth it. He may also be purchasing me a Valentine's cupcake. I've hinted.

 

Great new website!! Gym-Pact rewards you for going to the gym -- and punishes you if you don't. You make a pact saying how many days a week you'll go to the gym (minimum 3 days) and you pledge an amount you'll pay if you don't make your pact (minimum $5). At the end of the week, the company collects from those who didn't keep their pact and disburses it among those who did. I've earned $3.81 in two weeks! Yeah, you say, that won't even buy you a Starbucks drink, but here's my plan. If I can earn $8 a month, I can buy myself a Hulu Plus subscription, so I can watch tv....at the gym!

You get more shares of the money for more days pledged. This week I pledged 4 days a week, so I should get a little more. If there's any extra at the end of the month, I plan to save it for fitness gear. A heart rate monitor, new running shoes, etc. Every little bit helps, and it DEFINITELY helps me get my butt to the gym no matter what. I can't afford not to keep my pact!

Fall Down, Get Up, Keep Going

I'm frustrated. I'm making the same stupid mistakes -- rookie mistakes -- and as a result I've gained weight every week so far this month. I've been bouncing back and forth between diets and sticking to none of them. I'm just gonna count calories! No...I'm gonna do slimfast and count calories! No...I need to go back to Weight Watchers. No...I'm gonna do clean eating (that one didn't last out the day). No...I'm gonna do low-sugar!

 

Seriously? Just pick a fucking way of eating and stick with it. Because it's really not a diet. It's a way of eating for the REST OF MY LIFE.

 

I'm too fat and nothing fits!

 

 

I'll be honest, I've been using the MyFitnessPal app this year, and it has helped. For a week there my pants were even fitting more loosely! I wasn't tracking fruits or vegetables, however, giving them to myself as "freebies," and I think that stalled any real progress.

 

I've been reading other weight-loss blogs and fitness blogs all day for inspiration, to rejuvenate my passion for healthy eating, exercise, and weight loss. 110 Pounds and Counting has been really helpful. She lost weight by counting calories, and went through a lot of the same metamorphasis I did -- starting with convenience packaged, processed diet foods and moving to making meals and whole foods. I hope I can someday be as inspirational as she is. In 2003 I weighed 265 pounds, and in February 2011 I weighed 147. Today I weigh 185. I can lose weight -- I lost over 100 pounds and kept it off for years. I'm horrified at how much has creeped back on, and that just makes me want to eat.

 

Here are two of the biggest dangers: Ice cream and pizza. I have long said if I can't have these in my life, I don't want to bother living, but they are HUGE trigger foods. When the Boyfriend and I get a pizza, I can eat no fewer than 4 slices. Of a large! With extra cheese! I usually give up tracking on MyFitnessApp on those days. I've actually been pretty good about portioning ice cream (though eyeballing it, not measuring), but when the ice cream I eat has 300 calories for 1/2 cup, that's just so much wasted calories.

 

(Boyfriend and I are doing No Candy this month, so that may be adding to my sweet cravings)

 

For a week -- just ONE week! -- I'm not going to order pizza or buy ice cream. You know what I can have? A Lean Cuisine pizza (portion controlled). My favorite is the Spinach and Mushroom. I can buy LOWFAT frozen yogurt and the new Cuties made with coconut milk. I hope this will help me get over the hump and tone down my addictions to these foods. At the end of one week, if I''ve made it, well let's see if I can do it for another week, and then see how long I can go! (Actually, this is how I learned to drop fast food. "You know, I haven't had Wendy's in two months! Let's see if I can go another month. Let's see if I can go five months. You know, I really don't need to go back." Haven't since 2008.)

 

Verboten!!

 

 

I'm aiming to exercise four times a week. I'm working on a post about that.

 

Also, I'm going to take PICTURES of ME. I used to do a "day in the life" photoblogs all the time. I was okay with having my picture taken. But my Facebook icon now is from September 2011. I'm so embarrased with how I look I haven't kept a picture of myself in months. But if I FORCE myself to look at me as I really am, I can no longer kid myself about my weight (like the only four or five shirts that fit me that I rotate every week aren't hilarious enough).

 

How many times do I have to start over? Until I get it right.

WELL HELLO THERE.

Welcome to 2012! Oh, we're already past halfway through the first month? Well, shit.

I'm blogging my goals for the new year on a collective called Together, We're Better, but I'm not abandoning this blog. Because there are still plenty of really stupid dieters out there. Someone must bring the snark.

I'm eating vegetarian for January, and it's going really well. I’ve been tweaking it more towards actually eating vegetables instead of just cheese and bread. Yesterday for dinner I sauteed a fake chicken breast with a ton of vegetables and soy ginger dressing. It was DELICIOUS. And so healthy! Who knew?

I'm also using MyFitnessPal to finally get back on track with writing down every thing I eat. I like that it gives you more calories for working out, even though in reality that's not really how weight loss works. Still, I've had my best luck and lost the most weight with the simplest diet of all: Eat less, exercise more. I'm on board with anything that encourages that.

Enough about me, how are you? Still sticking with that New Year's Resolution to lose a few more pounds? If not, ask yourself why? Too hard? Too strict? Seriously, the smallest changes can have the biggest impact.

Food Panic

I've been trying to be more intuitive about my eating, and I noticed something.

I have Food Panic.

I went to my parents in Cincinnati for Thanksgiving, and ate absolutely everything all weekend long. The last day I was so absolutely sick of food. I got to the airport that evening and bought myself a slice of food court pizza. I finished it while waiting at the gate. The flight attendant comes over the PA and announces that there is no meal on this flight, even in first class, so people may want to go get something now.

Ok, let's look at this. 1) I'm flying economy, so I'm not getting a meal even if it's lunchtime. 2) I ate all weekend, and 3) I just ate a slice of pizza. This announcement should not have applied to me.

Yet as soon as I heard it, I got the Food Panic. No food on the flight? It's three and a half hours! What will I do?! I had to actively talk myself out of going to get more food, because clearly I didn't need it. On the plane I snacked on a small pack of peanuts, a few Starburst, and a chocolate covered marshmallow.

Heading to work Tuesday, I was hit again with Food Panic. I'd eaten well all day; a healthy breakfast and lunch. I was full after lunch. I didn't have a snack in the afternoon. On my way to work about 4:45pm for a two-hour shift, I had the Food Panic. I didn't bring a snack! I'd have nothing to eat for over two hours! I had to stop myself from running into the grocery for a banana. While it would be healthy, I think it's important not to give in to the Food Panic.

I do try to keep my purse stocked with a few snacks to keep the Food Panic away. There's never been a time when I've truly gone hungry. And yet the idea of being unprepared and hungry for a few hours triggers an anxiety that I have to fight.

Top Five Purse Snacks to Fight Food Panic
5. Larabars. THESE ARE SO GOOD. Apple pie is a good flavor.
4. 100-calorie snack packs. I like the Snackwell's caramel chocolate popcorn and Baked Cheetos.
3. Candy. Not the healthiest option, but satisfies a sweet craving.
2. Nuts. Peanuts, cocoa-covered almonds, cinnamon-covered almonds, trail mix. It's a good, healthy source of protein.
1. Fruit. Apples and bananas are good, although bananas get pretty bruised after a day. I like the Banana Guard to keep my bananas fresh!

Week One and Keeping on

Yesterday I weighed in at the completion of my first week on Slow Carb. I lost a net weight of 4 pounds for the week (cheat day bumped me back up 2 pounds). Still, I'm happy to be four pounds down (and five as of this morning). I took my measurements and although my stomach measured bigger (HOW THE HELL?) my thighs were one inch smaller than last week. I did lower my body fat percentage, but only by less than 1%.

I feel it was successful enough and produced enough benefits to keep at it for another week. My goals for this week are to include beans in at least 2 out of 3 meals. Yesterday and today I had eggs, spinach and black beans with turkey bacon. Yesterday for lunch I had my DELICIOUS balsamic chicken leftovers, and there are black beans in that. I bought a white bean soup that I'll probably have for lunch today.

I've run and walked one mile every day of October so far.

--OH GOOD GOD, NEIGHBOR, WHY ARE YOU RUNNING YARD EQUIPMENT BEFORE 8am? I really need to get that airhorn --

Ahem. Sorry. So my exercise has been good, and I'm going to keep going to Crossfit to build strength. (And Zumba...need to go at least 5 times this month to make my monthly pass worth it)

Only three more days until the next cheat day, which I'm splitting in half because of Yom Kippur. I'll eat normal Slow Carb for breakfast and lunch on Friday, then "cheat" a little from 1-6:30pm. I'll fast until 6:30pm Saturday night, and then attend a break the fast potluck with some friends.

Binge Day

Things I have consumed on this, my binge day:

• 2 scrambled eggs and liquid egg whites (supposed to start the day with normal plan breakfast)
• 2 Kroger cupcakes
• 2 caramel apples
• 2 tablespoons Betty Crocker whipped cream cheese frosting
•  3/4 of a Route 44 cherry limeade and large tater tots from Sonic (had a coupon for free Rt. 44 beverage)
• 2 Starburst
• 3 brownies
• Honeycrisp apple
• Small frozen yogurt
• Large frozen yogurt (I was REALLY craving this one place that has awesome flavors and toppings)
• Small popcorn
• Four pieces of cheese pizza 

(Notice: NO MEAT)
What? I told you I had a binging problem. A few weeks ago that might have been a normal day.

I can notice the differences this diet has made already. Friday night I was SOO excited to eat normal foods. Then I woke up this morning and ate my eggs and realized...I didn't really feel the need to go crazy. (Obviously I did anyway)

I noticed foods taste different, especially processed foods. The Kroger cupcakes with the whippy icing I used to love didn't taste as good. The canned frosting tasted awful...pure sugar and no flavor. The Starburst were WAY too sweet. The buttered popcorn that I used to savor tasted like cardboard. (The frozen yogurt and fruit still tasted amazing. I am never not going to love ice cream)

A new follower on Twitter suggested that I think of it not as a binge day, but a cheat day. I don't have to stuff myself for the week. I can just get a taste or two of things I miss. I'm chalking today up as a week one experiment, but next week I'll definitely take that advice. Next week's cheat day will also be Friday until sundown, because I'll be fasting on Saturday for Yom Kippur.

My main goal for the coming week, besides my new 1-mile-a-day running challenge with my friend, is to add more beans to my meals. Especially black beans, since I can stand them. Black beans and eggs. Black beans in the salads. Trader Joe's had a tasty white bean thing I sampled and then didn't buy. MORE BEANS.

As much as I complain about the boring foods, the uber proteins and the disgusting beans, I've eaten whole, unprocessed foods for the last five days and drank more water than ever. For some reason a high protein diet makes me really thirsty, and I can down 6 or 7 24-oz cups of lemon water a day, compared to the 3 I drank today (and really had to force down).

We'll see my weigh-in results for Monday. I don't think the weight will be as good as it was this morning (down 6 pounds), but I bet the body fat percentage is lower!

Making It

I've successfully made it to day five with no cheating except a bite of a piece of blue cheese the Boyfriend gave me when he wanted to discern whether or not it was a piece of cheese (he's lactose intolerant). I ate a small bite and set the rest of the piece aside. In the grand scheme it probably really wouldn't have mattered if I ate an entire crumble of cheese, but I needed to know for myself that I could stick this out.

I'll be honest, the knowledge that binge day is tomorrow has done a lot to help keep me on track. This is the longest I've made it on a low carb diet in years. I can't see doing strict low/no-carb for an extended period of time. I need a break.

AND OH, HOW I SHALL FEAST!! I went to the store today and bought bananas, cupcakes, brownie mix, caramel apples and canned frosting. And popcorn. And I'll probably have a pizza. AND NO MEAT. God, I am sick to death of meat.

I hope this binge thing works. I know it's not the best theory health-wise. For someone who already has binging problems, giving them the go-ahead to binge their heart out once a week? Not addressing any underlying issues that got me where I am. But I'm doing this now because I need a strict plan I can stick to in order to get this weight off. I've lost four pounds so far this week, and I'd love to drop another one or two.

We'll see how weigh-in goes on Monday! At the very least I'd love to see a change in my body fat percentage, because last Monday's was a huge eye-opener.

This Week's Diet

This week I'm following the "Eat everything in the fridge/freezer" diet. I'm trying to eat up all the perishables before I leave town for an 8-day visit to Ohio. Once I return, I'm going to try a new Way of Eating that doesn't allow dairy, so I'm trying to eat it all up. It's not very weight-loss effective, but it's nice on my wallet.

I know I'm not going to be counting Points while I'm in Ohio, because there are too many rare, tasty treats that I don't have access to here in Tucson. They taste better than losing weight, to be perfectly honest. UDF Cherry Cordial, Skyline Chili, LaRosa's pizza, Panera, Steak 'n Shake, Sake, First Watch....I'm just going to try and not go overboard like I've done the past few times I've been home. The plan is to try and limit myself to one Ohio treat a day.

Although Dad and I are going to a Red's game where I may have a Skyline coney and UDF ice cream in a Red's hat.

Is it wrong that I associate events with food like that? :-\

I am eating a baguette with warm brie and granny smith apples.

Don't judge me.

Vacation

 

 

 

An idyllic lunch.

Boyfriend and I spent the weekend at a local resort in celebration of our one-year anniversary together. It was a vacation, and I ate without tracking points.

I'm not the type to say, "Well, I'm on vacation, but dieting, so I'll just have a salad and water." I think, "I'm on vacation, and there are some award-winning pastries to be eaten!" This isn't to say that all efforts towards health go out the window, but I love food. If I have a chance to taste something I probably won't get a chance to taste again, I want to eat it. I believe in Eating to Live and Loving Life. It's the reason horribly restrictive diets don't work well for me (South Beach, Atkins, anything saying NO). If you tell me I can never have a piece of cake again, well I'd rather just stay fat.

I did exercise; I earned 31 Activity Points for the week, which is the most I've been able to earn so far. Friday morning I ran, and then we swam at night. Saturday we went on a 4.5 mile hike in the canyon during the hottest part of the day and swam at night, and Sunday I swam laps in the morning. This is all more physical activity than I've been able to keep up in a long time, and I want to keep it going! They say it takes 21 days to make a habit, so I'm trying to work out for 21 days in a row. Seven days down, 14 to go!

Kryptonite

Uh oh. They're back.

Mwahaha, I'm going to haunt your thoughts until you eat me!

Russell Stover chocolate marshmallows. They (and Frosted Flakes) are my kryptonite. I don't buy Frosted Flakes because I will pretty much eat the entire box in one sitting. Oh, there's some milk left over. I'll just add a little more cereal. Now I'm out of milk. I'll just add a little more. Now there's milk left over. I'll just add more cerealREPEATUNTILBOXISGONE.

Russell Stover chocolate marshmallows aren't quite as bad, but they're still irresistible. I would show you a picture of the actual product, except I ALREADY ATE IT. These chocolate marshmallows come in a variety of shapes from Halloween through Easter -- chocolate pumpkins, chocolate turkeys, chocolate Santas, chocolate hearts, and chocolate eggs or bunnies. The day after Easter this year I went to 8 different Walgreen's hoping to buy up their stock. I didn't think I'd be seeing them again so soon...at 3 Points apiece, they can not become a daily habit again!

But oh, the chocolatey goodness. The chocolate marshmallow is so soft and melts in my mouth, and then the chocolate coating adds a little bit of crunch and just enough sweetness -- excuse me, I have to go to Walgreens.

What's your kryptonite? How do you deal with it? Do you refuse to allow it in your home (like Frosted Flakes) or do you try and ration it like chocolate marshmallows? Mmm....chocolate marshmallows.