Everything You Know is Wrong

I am becoming increasingly more and more cranky about counting calories. Mostly because it doesn't really seem to be helping. 1200 or 1800 calories, either way I'm not seeing a difference. When I stopped eating for a month after the breakup, I definitely noticed weight loss in my clothes. But as I healed and regained my appetite, no amount of restricting seems to be helping; I'm exercising 3-5 times a week, but my belly feels bigger than ever and my underwear isn't as loose as it was in December.

So when I read this article on Jezebel the other day, I really wanted to set fire to the My Fitness Pal app (except that would really just involve destroying my phone, and I like my phone). It's gotten to where I really don't even bother reading most health articles any more. Fat is good! Fat is bad! Carbs are good! Carbs are bad! Calories are everything! Calories are meaningless!

You know what I like to do? I like to try and follow Clean Eating and the 80/20 rule. If I'm eating clean -- no preservatives, no artificial ingredients, no or less white flour/sugars -- and then I eat a cheese danish or something every now and then, I'm pretty happy. Maybe it's not reflecting any weight loss for me yet, but I feel healthier now than I ever did when I was eating Lean Cuisines and 100-calorie packs every single damn day. That's another danger with calorie counting -- would I rather have this healthy thing for 120 calories or this pack of crap for 100 calories? Crap it is!

I have just this past week started calorie counting again, but really just to get an idea of where I'm at at the end of the day. Eating intuitively -- ice cream if I want it, but not binging; stopping when I feel full -- I come in right between 1500 and 2000 calories (plus exercise). Now, eating variety is something I still need to work on. I still default to peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and triscuits and cheese when I can't decide what I want to eat.

I never thought it possible, but I do binge less when I'm eating intuitively! Not gonna lie, it took a while and a lot of pizzas to get there. Eventually I realized, when I can have everything, I don't want it any more. A pint of Ben and Jerry's now lasts over a week in my house. Turns out I only wanted a few bites. An entire box of Trader Joe's spinach and artichoke dip disappears in an afternoon. And it's okay. I'm okay.

Pizza is my BFF.

Quick way to drop 200+ pounds!

HEY!

Since I last blogged, I've been lucky enough to shed 220 pounds! It was so easy! All I had to do was dump my cheating, abusive boyfriend. As anyone with quick weight loss results knows, it's easy to gain those pounds back and then some, and there have definitely been days when I've been sad or lonely and missing that 220 pound lump of man hair that always left his clothes on the floor and never cleaned the kitchen. But I've stayed strong in my resolve, and I know I'm never taking him back or getting involved with anyone who doesn't respect me. Now let's just apply that resolve to eating healthy, because basically consistently eating crap isn't respecting myself, and what kind of role model am I for a future potential mate if they see I don't have any self-respect?

Note: I'm not saying I'm not respecting myself because I'm overweight. I'm saying it because I'm choosing to eat nothing but unhealthy foods and no vegetables for days on end. I'd rather be eating healthy and fat than eating crap and thin. That's why I no longer eat Lean Cuisines or processed diet junk. Now THAT is disrespecting your body!!

A few things coming up for this blog:

• A monthly challenge we can work on together
• VLOGS! See my fat face talking to you!
• ACTUAL POSTS. Because for realz, I need to keep up with this space.

Here's some snark: Someone today at my coffee shop ordered a sugar-free, non-fat latte in a size-larger cup with EXTRA whipped cream.  YOU'RE DOING IT WRONG.

What works - what doesn't work?

I'm about to finish my second week on the Four-Hour Body's Slow Carb diet. The scale isn't showing much of a change, but my pants are noticeably looser, and I know I'm gaining muscle from strength training 2-3 times a week.

I'm still struggling with the diet -- the same problems I have with any low-carb diet. I get so physically ill eating the same high-protein foods over and over. I'm doing all right in the mornings with my eggs and turkey bacon, but I'm having trouble facing chicken and salads. I feel like I'd really rather throw up than eat the allowed foods.

I've been tracking my foods in MyFitnessPal, mostly so I can make sure I'm getting enough nutrients, proteins and carbs, and I'm generally eating 1200 calories or less. Just because I cannot eat any more.

Why am I keeping this up? I'm giving it a full month, until the end of August, to see how I feel and how my body is doing (btw, my abs? TOTALLY THERE. Ablicious!). I like this diet because I do believe carbs and processed foods are harmful and slow carb forces me to eat real, whole foods. It's also easy: there's a list of foods I'm allowed to eat, and that's it. There's control. That's really the bottom line. If I can't control my diet, then I am out of control and on a binge.

I had great success with Weight Watchers from 2006-2009. I tracked my points carefully, often plotting out everything I would eat for the day in the morning before leaving for school or work. The problem with this plan, and the reason I'm hesitant to try it again? I was eating almost exclusively processed foods. It's difficult to count points with recipes (this was before recipe calculators that are popular now), and I don't have a food scale. While frozen foods and packaged snacks tell me exactly how many calories/points they contain. I know even if I was just counting calories with MyFitnessPal, I would still be tempted to fall back on processed foods instead of eating real foods.

It's still healthy even if I can't pronounce over half the ingredients, right?

And so I stick with Slow Carb, at least until August 31. I'm looking forward to seeing my measurements at the end of the month!

What works for you in your way of eating? Do you need to have the control, and how do you include more whole foods in your diet?

Snark Time

I've gotten a new job since I was last writing here consistently. I won't tell you the name, but it's a popular national coffee shop, and you can probably see at least one by looking out your window.

I don't understand the attitude of some of the customers who "think" they're trying to be healthy. If you want to get a "skinny" latte, with non-fat milk and sugar-free syrup fine. I won't debate you the problems with non-fat and sugar-free crap; but I prefer to put real foods in my body. The problem I have is the people who insist on non-fat milk, sugar-free syrup, and EXTRA whipped cream.  Or a large anything on the menu. Or non-fat and sugar-free but EXTRA caramel drizzle.

I understand you want to treat yourself, and that's fine. But a large blended sugar drink is by no means healthy, even if you get a "light" version. And our whipped cream is made with heavy cream and full-sugar vanilla syrup, so really you're negating any "good" you did with the non-fat milk (which is pretty much just water. EW.)

Not even a little healthy.

If you're gonna get a sweet coffee drink, OWN it. Get it full fat, add the whip, drizzle it up. But take responsibility for what you're putting in your body. Stop trying to fool yourself into thinking you're eating healthy.

Personally, I've learned to love unsweetened teas.

Small victories

You know what? You know what, you know what, you know what? Yesterday I stayed on plan for THE ENTIRE DAY. No cheats. Nothing "forbidden." I ate healthy -- I even cooked.

I take that as a win. It was one day, but it was one day better than the day before. Today is still young, but I'm on track to stay on plan today too. And then I'll celebrate two days. I need to recognize these small victories to encourage myself, but also you. Can you do a day? Just one day of eating right? Then celebrate it (not with a cake!). And after that day is done, try the next day.

One day at a time, one meal at a time.

I'm giving Slow Carb another hard core try -- more exercising and more sticking to the food list (lots of beans, UGH). Yesterday for breakfast I just had two eggs scrambled with liquid egg whites.

If you want to know what I'm having for lunch today, take another look at the picture.

There's a great local salad shop that makes custom salads with all kinds of toppings and proteins and dressings. I love going there and getting a spinach salad with artichoke hearts, black beans, cucumbers, kalamata olives, feta, and salmon. The protein is anywhere from $2-4 extra, and it usually costs me around $12 for a salad.

BUT! They are having an awesome summer sale during the dinner hours where you can get two salads including proteins and two drinks for $15. Monday night I went in and ordered two of the above salads, without the feta or salmon. I ordered chicken on the side. And voila, I had lunch for yesterday and today plus bonus chicken for snacking! Yesterday I added some salmon and feta from home, and it was delicious and very filling.

Today I have discovered that artichoke hearts don't hold up very well after two days, so when I go back tonight for two more salads, I'll get bell peppers instead.

I hate you, beans.

For dinner I cooked! Which is amazing because I haven't had the energy to cook in over a month. I'd been browsing recipes online and decided to improvise a lemon pepper chicken. Chicken breasts from Trader Joe's marinated for three hours in olive oil, lemon juice, lemon pepper, pepper, and salt. I cooked the beans with some taco seasoning, and it did improve the flavor, but I was still forcing myself to eat them. The broccoli was steamed plain, although I realized later the oil from the chicken would have been good for topping!

Boyfriend liked it so much he had three helpings. The sign of a meal well done!

What kinds of veggies to do you like to cook, and how do you like them prepared?
ANY IDEAS FOR MAKING BEANS SUCK LESS??

Strength

Well, I may not be getting any thinner, but I'm definitely getting stronger! For the past several weeks a friend of mine who does Crossfit has been kind enough to train me twice a week at my gym. I've gone from really weak to slightly stronger!

Feeling strong! (Photo from FreeDigitalPhotos.net)

What blows my mind most is I actually am acquiring upper body strength! I've never had any measurable upper body strength before, but each time I bench, do bent rows, or do assisted chin ups, I'm working at higher and higher weights.

As of this month, this blog is one year old. And I.....am approximately the same weight I was a year ago, if not a little higher (I don't know, I haven't stepped on the scale in months. I've been going by how my clothes fit). That fact could be really, really depressing if I stopped to dwell on it (again). One year gone by and no real success made, so what's the point of continuing? Why not just eat myself in to oblivion? No seriously, I've been asking.

Mmmmm...forbidden foods... (Image from FreeDigitalPhotos.net)

Over the last year, I've tried a number of different "tactics" to lose weight. I started on Weight Watchers, which I'd had great success on in the past, but was unable to stick with it for longer than a month. I tried the Slow-Carb diet from Tim Ferriss' Four-Hour Body. After three weeks I saw practically no change, although I admit this is probably from not following the prescribed diet closely enough and going too overboard on cheat days. I tried a Fruit and Veggie smoothie fast, which lasted approximately two days. NEED TO CHEW. I even tried binging on Pine nuts after I read that they can cause a reaction in some people that cause food to taste awful and metallic for a week or two. I thought, "Foods will taste awful! Then I won't overeat!" I ate two bags of pine nuts (already incredibly high in fat) in 48 hours, and I noticed no change in the way things tasted. I'd wasted all those calories on something I didn't even like. I've tried Intuitive Eating, where I try to just listen to my body and give it what it needs. The bad part about that would be my body screaming for vegetables, and I'd think, "Nah, too much work. You'll eat ice cream and you'll like it." I tried logging all foods and counting calories with various iPhone apps. MyFitnessPal worked well for a few weeks, but then I stopped logging when I ate something "bad" and never got back on track.
 

Lately I've just been tired. So tired. I know it's because of the way I eat. It's too much effort to make anything, so I'd just eat convenience crap.

Why am I still in the same place I was a year ago? There are many reasons. I'm human. I don't follow through. I don't "want it" enough (although I feel like I do!). I'm not doing the "right" thing. I have a physical and mental addiction to food. I have excuses.

The one thing I can say I'm doing well with is exercises. Besides the strength training I've been doing, I've also been tracking my workouts with GymPact since the end of January, and I've done 60 workouts for the year. With a little less than six months still to go, I think I can easily make 120 workouts for the year.

Bottom line: I'm still here, I'm still struggling, I'm still snarky, and I'm still blogging. Keep reading!

Finding a balance

Eating-wise, I still have problems. I cannot seem to stick to a calorie plan. I'll be good all day, and then blow it at dinner. Or after a few days, I lose interest in eating anything at all. I know I eat better when I concentrate on making vegetables the focus of each meal, and damn the calories. I poop better too (ALWAYS a plus).

On the positive side, I've seriously thrown myself back into fitness. I know I've talked about GymPact before, but it's REALLY helping me get to the gym consistently 5 times a week, and I feel so much better, physically. I'm still not really losing weight, but I'm definitely starting to see some definition.

I'm devoting myself to Zumba again, since the last time I really liked my body I was doing about 8 hours of Zumba a week. If I can't make it to a class, I'll go to the gym, sequester myself in a raquetball court, and play the music off my iPod.

I'm also running, focusing on HIIT, or High-Intensity Interval Training. Today I ran 1.5 miles, the farthest I've ever gotten! And I broke my record speed! It really is helping me to run faster, because I'm very slow. I have short, stubby legs. 3.5 is a jog to me. I watch other people run at 6.0 or faster, and I just think I'd fall right off the treadmill. Today I got up to 4.3. I'd like to make it to a 5.0.

Weights are more sporadic right now, but I know they're important. Mostly I just feel stymied because I don't know what exercises I should be doing for which body part, and I never write it down so I never notice real improvement. I need to make a weight lifting notebook so I can create a set list of things to do and monitor my improvement.

I am most concerned about maintaining fitness right now. The food will come. I just got hired to work in a coffee shop part time, so that will help with movement and being on my feet. I bought a heart-rate monitor from a Groupon deal, and I've loved knowing exactly how many calories I'm burning in a workout/day. And how many steps I take. Shooting for 10,000 a day (approximately 5 miles a day).

I'm gonna be the fittest fat girl :-p