Fall Down, Get Up, Keep Going

I'm frustrated. I'm making the same stupid mistakes -- rookie mistakes -- and as a result I've gained weight every week so far this month. I've been bouncing back and forth between diets and sticking to none of them. I'm just gonna count calories! No...I'm gonna do slimfast and count calories! No...I need to go back to Weight Watchers. No...I'm gonna do clean eating (that one didn't last out the day). No...I'm gonna do low-sugar!

 

Seriously? Just pick a fucking way of eating and stick with it. Because it's really not a diet. It's a way of eating for the REST OF MY LIFE.

 

I'm too fat and nothing fits!

 

 

I'll be honest, I've been using the MyFitnessPal app this year, and it has helped. For a week there my pants were even fitting more loosely! I wasn't tracking fruits or vegetables, however, giving them to myself as "freebies," and I think that stalled any real progress.

 

I've been reading other weight-loss blogs and fitness blogs all day for inspiration, to rejuvenate my passion for healthy eating, exercise, and weight loss. 110 Pounds and Counting has been really helpful. She lost weight by counting calories, and went through a lot of the same metamorphasis I did -- starting with convenience packaged, processed diet foods and moving to making meals and whole foods. I hope I can someday be as inspirational as she is. In 2003 I weighed 265 pounds, and in February 2011 I weighed 147. Today I weigh 185. I can lose weight -- I lost over 100 pounds and kept it off for years. I'm horrified at how much has creeped back on, and that just makes me want to eat.

 

Here are two of the biggest dangers: Ice cream and pizza. I have long said if I can't have these in my life, I don't want to bother living, but they are HUGE trigger foods. When the Boyfriend and I get a pizza, I can eat no fewer than 4 slices. Of a large! With extra cheese! I usually give up tracking on MyFitnessApp on those days. I've actually been pretty good about portioning ice cream (though eyeballing it, not measuring), but when the ice cream I eat has 300 calories for 1/2 cup, that's just so much wasted calories.

 

(Boyfriend and I are doing No Candy this month, so that may be adding to my sweet cravings)

 

For a week -- just ONE week! -- I'm not going to order pizza or buy ice cream. You know what I can have? A Lean Cuisine pizza (portion controlled). My favorite is the Spinach and Mushroom. I can buy LOWFAT frozen yogurt and the new Cuties made with coconut milk. I hope this will help me get over the hump and tone down my addictions to these foods. At the end of one week, if I''ve made it, well let's see if I can do it for another week, and then see how long I can go! (Actually, this is how I learned to drop fast food. "You know, I haven't had Wendy's in two months! Let's see if I can go another month. Let's see if I can go five months. You know, I really don't need to go back." Haven't since 2008.)

 

Verboten!!

 

 

I'm aiming to exercise four times a week. I'm working on a post about that.

 

Also, I'm going to take PICTURES of ME. I used to do a "day in the life" photoblogs all the time. I was okay with having my picture taken. But my Facebook icon now is from September 2011. I'm so embarrased with how I look I haven't kept a picture of myself in months. But if I FORCE myself to look at me as I really am, I can no longer kid myself about my weight (like the only four or five shirts that fit me that I rotate every week aren't hilarious enough).

 

How many times do I have to start over? Until I get it right.