Fall Down, Get Up, Keep Going

I'm frustrated. I'm making the same stupid mistakes -- rookie mistakes -- and as a result I've gained weight every week so far this month. I've been bouncing back and forth between diets and sticking to none of them. I'm just gonna count calories! No...I'm gonna do slimfast and count calories! No...I need to go back to Weight Watchers. No...I'm gonna do clean eating (that one didn't last out the day). No...I'm gonna do low-sugar!

 

Seriously? Just pick a fucking way of eating and stick with it. Because it's really not a diet. It's a way of eating for the REST OF MY LIFE.

 

I'm too fat and nothing fits!

 

 

I'll be honest, I've been using the MyFitnessPal app this year, and it has helped. For a week there my pants were even fitting more loosely! I wasn't tracking fruits or vegetables, however, giving them to myself as "freebies," and I think that stalled any real progress.

 

I've been reading other weight-loss blogs and fitness blogs all day for inspiration, to rejuvenate my passion for healthy eating, exercise, and weight loss. 110 Pounds and Counting has been really helpful. She lost weight by counting calories, and went through a lot of the same metamorphasis I did -- starting with convenience packaged, processed diet foods and moving to making meals and whole foods. I hope I can someday be as inspirational as she is. In 2003 I weighed 265 pounds, and in February 2011 I weighed 147. Today I weigh 185. I can lose weight -- I lost over 100 pounds and kept it off for years. I'm horrified at how much has creeped back on, and that just makes me want to eat.

 

Here are two of the biggest dangers: Ice cream and pizza. I have long said if I can't have these in my life, I don't want to bother living, but they are HUGE trigger foods. When the Boyfriend and I get a pizza, I can eat no fewer than 4 slices. Of a large! With extra cheese! I usually give up tracking on MyFitnessApp on those days. I've actually been pretty good about portioning ice cream (though eyeballing it, not measuring), but when the ice cream I eat has 300 calories for 1/2 cup, that's just so much wasted calories.

 

(Boyfriend and I are doing No Candy this month, so that may be adding to my sweet cravings)

 

For a week -- just ONE week! -- I'm not going to order pizza or buy ice cream. You know what I can have? A Lean Cuisine pizza (portion controlled). My favorite is the Spinach and Mushroom. I can buy LOWFAT frozen yogurt and the new Cuties made with coconut milk. I hope this will help me get over the hump and tone down my addictions to these foods. At the end of one week, if I''ve made it, well let's see if I can do it for another week, and then see how long I can go! (Actually, this is how I learned to drop fast food. "You know, I haven't had Wendy's in two months! Let's see if I can go another month. Let's see if I can go five months. You know, I really don't need to go back." Haven't since 2008.)

 

Verboten!!

 

 

I'm aiming to exercise four times a week. I'm working on a post about that.

 

Also, I'm going to take PICTURES of ME. I used to do a "day in the life" photoblogs all the time. I was okay with having my picture taken. But my Facebook icon now is from September 2011. I'm so embarrased with how I look I haven't kept a picture of myself in months. But if I FORCE myself to look at me as I really am, I can no longer kid myself about my weight (like the only four or five shirts that fit me that I rotate every week aren't hilarious enough).

 

How many times do I have to start over? Until I get it right.

It would be so much easier if...

It would be so much easier if....

If I would just run a mile or two every day.

If I would do yoga every morning.

If I would do situps every day.

If I would just stop eating sugar/carbs.

If I would eat more vegetables.

If I would move more.

If I would eat fewer pre-packaged foods and cook more.

If I would stop eating when I'm full.

If I wouldn't eat my emotions.

If I would stop making excuses.

Do You Like Beans?

Do you eat beans with George Wendt? (Animaniacs)

For the last few weeks, my eating has been out of control. I flew home to Cincinnati for 8 days for a wedding, and I ate everything in sight -- good, comfort Cincinnati foods like Skyline Chili and La Rosa's, but also crap foods like candy and Steak 'N Shake.

As a result, of course, my weight is now the highest it has been in years. I'm at a weight I swore I'd never go back to.

For the last few weeks I've also been reading The Four Hour Body by Tim Ferriss. He promotes what he calls a "slow carb" diet that's stricter than any low-carb diet I've done (mostly South Beach). No dairy at all. No fruits, LOTS of beans. I hate beans. What's kind of selling me on this diet is that it's encouraged to take a cheat day. All you can eat of whatever you want one day a week.

Now, let me say that I know proper nutrition. I know fruits aren't the devil. I know it's better to eat whole, clean foods all the time, and not a good idea to gorge yourself on junk. But the book is very persuasive in its results. So I'm giving it a try.

Have I mentioned I hate beans? It's a texture thing, really. They're grainy and chewy and UGH.

The author recommends taking pictures of your meals to keep you honest. Yesterday I had scrambled eggs with spinach and turkey bacon for breakfast

NO BEANS

a salad with salmon, kalamata olives, black beans, egg and artichoke hearts for lunch, and a "fajita bowl" consisting of grilled chicken, pinto beans and guacamole for dinner.

It tastes worse than it looks.

No pictures of lunch, but trust me, it was delicious. Dinner not so much. Oh God, how I hate pinto beans. I ate a few good forkfuls and then just ate the chicken pieces.

Snacks included turkey jerky (but at $5 a bag, I'm trying to ration it), peanuts and almonds with cocoa powder and cinnamon.

I made it through day one. I'm really only sure I can do this at all because of the cheat day. The last few times I've tried South Beach, I get so nauseous from all the meat and protein by around day three or four, that I just give up. Ferriss states up front in his book that this is not a fun diet. I have a whole closet full of clothes I can't wear. I'm ready for less fun.

This Week's Diet

This week I'm following the "Eat everything in the fridge/freezer" diet. I'm trying to eat up all the perishables before I leave town for an 8-day visit to Ohio. Once I return, I'm going to try a new Way of Eating that doesn't allow dairy, so I'm trying to eat it all up. It's not very weight-loss effective, but it's nice on my wallet.

I know I'm not going to be counting Points while I'm in Ohio, because there are too many rare, tasty treats that I don't have access to here in Tucson. They taste better than losing weight, to be perfectly honest. UDF Cherry Cordial, Skyline Chili, LaRosa's pizza, Panera, Steak 'n Shake, Sake, First Watch....I'm just going to try and not go overboard like I've done the past few times I've been home. The plan is to try and limit myself to one Ohio treat a day.

Although Dad and I are going to a Red's game where I may have a Skyline coney and UDF ice cream in a Red's hat.

Is it wrong that I associate events with food like that? :-\

I am eating a baguette with warm brie and granny smith apples.

Don't judge me.

Vacation

 

 

 

An idyllic lunch.

Boyfriend and I spent the weekend at a local resort in celebration of our one-year anniversary together. It was a vacation, and I ate without tracking points.

I'm not the type to say, "Well, I'm on vacation, but dieting, so I'll just have a salad and water." I think, "I'm on vacation, and there are some award-winning pastries to be eaten!" This isn't to say that all efforts towards health go out the window, but I love food. If I have a chance to taste something I probably won't get a chance to taste again, I want to eat it. I believe in Eating to Live and Loving Life. It's the reason horribly restrictive diets don't work well for me (South Beach, Atkins, anything saying NO). If you tell me I can never have a piece of cake again, well I'd rather just stay fat.

I did exercise; I earned 31 Activity Points for the week, which is the most I've been able to earn so far. Friday morning I ran, and then we swam at night. Saturday we went on a 4.5 mile hike in the canyon during the hottest part of the day and swam at night, and Sunday I swam laps in the morning. This is all more physical activity than I've been able to keep up in a long time, and I want to keep it going! They say it takes 21 days to make a habit, so I'm trying to work out for 21 days in a row. Seven days down, 14 to go!

Shooting Myself in the Foot

Yesterday was the first day I ate "on plan" since last Monday.  Today I weighed myself. In one week, I did 5 pounds worth of damage to my body and my progress. I know I can't beat myself up over this, or I'll just repeat the cycle, but at this point I fear I'll never get out of the binge/diet routine. I've gotten out of it in the past...for years even.

I like to eat. I like food. I enjoy going out to local restaurants. But there's a balance that I'm clearly missing. I can't keep going between EAT ALL THE THING and EAT NOTHING. Research has clearly shown yo-yo dieting is seriously harmful to the body.


Here I am, back on plan again. I'm taking this one day at a time. Yesterday I was good, I even exercised. Today I have been good. One day at a time.

Have you heard of Fitocracy? It's an awesome new website that gives you points for each workout you do. You earn achievements and can "level up" just like a game. Last night I ran/walked and earned 66 points. Almost to level 2! Working out is definitely more fun when there's incentives :-)

Trying to Catch Up with the Wagon

This week I did something not-so-bright. I entered Tucson's Cake Bake-Off contest on Tuesday. This involved baking 30 tres leches cupcakes on Monday. Tres leches cupcakes involving sweetened condensed milk. I had too many tablespoon tastes.


Then at the event itself, there were CAKES. Cakes to TASTE. I had to taste cakes.

And it's been a quick slip from one or two bad days to, well I may as well eat everything. The worst part? I didn't even win the contest!

We had pizza the other night, and instead of counting Points on it and limiting myself to two slices, I ate four. And then I had heartburn. I realized, I've been feeling really good since I've been eating right and exercising -- I've had natural energy and no heartburn or sick stomach. I've been hungry and sleepy, but that's the worst of it. There really is something to this healthy eating thing.

The wagon is rolling down a hill, and I'm trying to catch up with it. What are your tips or suggestions for getting back after a binge?

Monday Weigh In: Week Two

So I weighed in this morning!

It was....not good. I was perfect on Monday and Tuesday, but then when I got sick, I got lazy. I wanted comfort foods, and it hurt too much to exercise. This weekend I was feeling better but still didn't get right back on plan, and now I'm paying for it.

Mostly I'm just mad at myself because I'm freaking paying for WW Online, and I basically just wasted a week's worth of money.  Looking at it that way suddenly made it a lot easier for me to get serious.

I start a new job today, which will also help. Getting out of the house and not sitting on my ass with the kitchen calling "Penny....come eat me..." will be a tremendous benefit. I've started running/walking in the morning (I've been perpetually stuck on the Couch to 5k week one plan -- I can't run longer than 30 seconds right now), and during my break this morning I went back to Zumba class! Hey, I've earned six activity points! Awesome.

Check back tomorrow for an AMAZING food review. Crave chocolate? You're gonna want to find these!

Giving In

I won't go into too much detail (I save that for my lucky LiveJournal friends), but Tuesday night I took a new-to-me pill and had a BAD reaction to it that left me up most of the night sitting on the couch whimpering in pain.

Sitting in the living room at 4 in the morning, watching anything at all on TV to get my mind off the pain, I gave in to cravings. I ate a bag of microwave popcorn, a Cadbury Creme Egg, and a bowl of shredded wheat. I tracked it!

Late Wednesday night the pain came back, and I spent a few hours in the urgent care. They gave me Oxycodone! God bless those doctors and their liberal pain medication policy. I knew I needed to eat something substantial before taking the Oxycodone or I'd just throw it all back up. When Boyfriend offered to get me Sonic, I didn't think "Hmmm, I should stick to my diet;" I just said "Popcorn chicken and mozzarella sticks, please!"

And I tracked it all. I went WAYY over my points, but amazingly I still have some flex points left for the week.

Frankly, I don't want to live in a world where the kind of pain I was in is not rewarded with a cherry limeade.