Happy Valentine's Day!

I got up this morning and went to the gym! And I went yesterday! And now I'm very, very sore!! I had a great long workout yesterday, but today I just couldn't put in more than a half an hour. It doesn't help that it's a chilly, rainy day -- a rarity here in the desert, but it still affects my mood. 

Exercise helps my depression. Yesterday I felt really good about myself. Except then I was so drained I didn't do anything productive for the rest of the day. I need to build my endurance and strength back up. I want to be fit again!

Quick 'n easy cheesy

 Today's lunch is Trader Joe's brown rice with spinach sauteed with laughing cow light cheese. It was a quick and easy meal that I had a hankering for. And it uses up some foods that have been sitting in the pantry forever! I'm craving spinach. Maybe my iron's low.

Tonight Boyfriend is making me boiled artichokes. They are SOOO good, so good for me, and so low in calories! Of course, I dip them in garlic butter, but it's worth it. He may also be purchasing me a Valentine's cupcake. I've hinted.

 

Great new website!! Gym-Pact rewards you for going to the gym -- and punishes you if you don't. You make a pact saying how many days a week you'll go to the gym (minimum 3 days) and you pledge an amount you'll pay if you don't make your pact (minimum $5). At the end of the week, the company collects from those who didn't keep their pact and disburses it among those who did. I've earned $3.81 in two weeks! Yeah, you say, that won't even buy you a Starbucks drink, but here's my plan. If I can earn $8 a month, I can buy myself a Hulu Plus subscription, so I can watch tv....at the gym!

You get more shares of the money for more days pledged. This week I pledged 4 days a week, so I should get a little more. If there's any extra at the end of the month, I plan to save it for fitness gear. A heart rate monitor, new running shoes, etc. Every little bit helps, and it DEFINITELY helps me get my butt to the gym no matter what. I can't afford not to keep my pact!

Fall Down, Get Up, Keep Going

I'm frustrated. I'm making the same stupid mistakes -- rookie mistakes -- and as a result I've gained weight every week so far this month. I've been bouncing back and forth between diets and sticking to none of them. I'm just gonna count calories! No...I'm gonna do slimfast and count calories! No...I need to go back to Weight Watchers. No...I'm gonna do clean eating (that one didn't last out the day). No...I'm gonna do low-sugar!

 

Seriously? Just pick a fucking way of eating and stick with it. Because it's really not a diet. It's a way of eating for the REST OF MY LIFE.

 

I'm too fat and nothing fits!

 

 

I'll be honest, I've been using the MyFitnessPal app this year, and it has helped. For a week there my pants were even fitting more loosely! I wasn't tracking fruits or vegetables, however, giving them to myself as "freebies," and I think that stalled any real progress.

 

I've been reading other weight-loss blogs and fitness blogs all day for inspiration, to rejuvenate my passion for healthy eating, exercise, and weight loss. 110 Pounds and Counting has been really helpful. She lost weight by counting calories, and went through a lot of the same metamorphasis I did -- starting with convenience packaged, processed diet foods and moving to making meals and whole foods. I hope I can someday be as inspirational as she is. In 2003 I weighed 265 pounds, and in February 2011 I weighed 147. Today I weigh 185. I can lose weight -- I lost over 100 pounds and kept it off for years. I'm horrified at how much has creeped back on, and that just makes me want to eat.

 

Here are two of the biggest dangers: Ice cream and pizza. I have long said if I can't have these in my life, I don't want to bother living, but they are HUGE trigger foods. When the Boyfriend and I get a pizza, I can eat no fewer than 4 slices. Of a large! With extra cheese! I usually give up tracking on MyFitnessApp on those days. I've actually been pretty good about portioning ice cream (though eyeballing it, not measuring), but when the ice cream I eat has 300 calories for 1/2 cup, that's just so much wasted calories.

 

(Boyfriend and I are doing No Candy this month, so that may be adding to my sweet cravings)

 

For a week -- just ONE week! -- I'm not going to order pizza or buy ice cream. You know what I can have? A Lean Cuisine pizza (portion controlled). My favorite is the Spinach and Mushroom. I can buy LOWFAT frozen yogurt and the new Cuties made with coconut milk. I hope this will help me get over the hump and tone down my addictions to these foods. At the end of one week, if I''ve made it, well let's see if I can do it for another week, and then see how long I can go! (Actually, this is how I learned to drop fast food. "You know, I haven't had Wendy's in two months! Let's see if I can go another month. Let's see if I can go five months. You know, I really don't need to go back." Haven't since 2008.)

 

Verboten!!

 

 

I'm aiming to exercise four times a week. I'm working on a post about that.

 

Also, I'm going to take PICTURES of ME. I used to do a "day in the life" photoblogs all the time. I was okay with having my picture taken. But my Facebook icon now is from September 2011. I'm so embarrased with how I look I haven't kept a picture of myself in months. But if I FORCE myself to look at me as I really am, I can no longer kid myself about my weight (like the only four or five shirts that fit me that I rotate every week aren't hilarious enough).

 

How many times do I have to start over? Until I get it right.

WELL HELLO THERE.

Welcome to 2012! Oh, we're already past halfway through the first month? Well, shit.

I'm blogging my goals for the new year on a collective called Together, We're Better, but I'm not abandoning this blog. Because there are still plenty of really stupid dieters out there. Someone must bring the snark.

I'm eating vegetarian for January, and it's going really well. I’ve been tweaking it more towards actually eating vegetables instead of just cheese and bread. Yesterday for dinner I sauteed a fake chicken breast with a ton of vegetables and soy ginger dressing. It was DELICIOUS. And so healthy! Who knew?

I'm also using MyFitnessPal to finally get back on track with writing down every thing I eat. I like that it gives you more calories for working out, even though in reality that's not really how weight loss works. Still, I've had my best luck and lost the most weight with the simplest diet of all: Eat less, exercise more. I'm on board with anything that encourages that.

Enough about me, how are you? Still sticking with that New Year's Resolution to lose a few more pounds? If not, ask yourself why? Too hard? Too strict? Seriously, the smallest changes can have the biggest impact.

It would be so much easier if...

It would be so much easier if....

If I would just run a mile or two every day.

If I would do yoga every morning.

If I would do situps every day.

If I would just stop eating sugar/carbs.

If I would eat more vegetables.

If I would move more.

If I would eat fewer pre-packaged foods and cook more.

If I would stop eating when I'm full.

If I wouldn't eat my emotions.

If I would stop making excuses.

Food Panic

I've been trying to be more intuitive about my eating, and I noticed something.

I have Food Panic.

I went to my parents in Cincinnati for Thanksgiving, and ate absolutely everything all weekend long. The last day I was so absolutely sick of food. I got to the airport that evening and bought myself a slice of food court pizza. I finished it while waiting at the gate. The flight attendant comes over the PA and announces that there is no meal on this flight, even in first class, so people may want to go get something now.

Ok, let's look at this. 1) I'm flying economy, so I'm not getting a meal even if it's lunchtime. 2) I ate all weekend, and 3) I just ate a slice of pizza. This announcement should not have applied to me.

Yet as soon as I heard it, I got the Food Panic. No food on the flight? It's three and a half hours! What will I do?! I had to actively talk myself out of going to get more food, because clearly I didn't need it. On the plane I snacked on a small pack of peanuts, a few Starburst, and a chocolate covered marshmallow.

Heading to work Tuesday, I was hit again with Food Panic. I'd eaten well all day; a healthy breakfast and lunch. I was full after lunch. I didn't have a snack in the afternoon. On my way to work about 4:45pm for a two-hour shift, I had the Food Panic. I didn't bring a snack! I'd have nothing to eat for over two hours! I had to stop myself from running into the grocery for a banana. While it would be healthy, I think it's important not to give in to the Food Panic.

I do try to keep my purse stocked with a few snacks to keep the Food Panic away. There's never been a time when I've truly gone hungry. And yet the idea of being unprepared and hungry for a few hours triggers an anxiety that I have to fight.

Top Five Purse Snacks to Fight Food Panic
5. Larabars. THESE ARE SO GOOD. Apple pie is a good flavor.
4. 100-calorie snack packs. I like the Snackwell's caramel chocolate popcorn and Baked Cheetos.
3. Candy. Not the healthiest option, but satisfies a sweet craving.
2. Nuts. Peanuts, cocoa-covered almonds, cinnamon-covered almonds, trail mix. It's a good, healthy source of protein.
1. Fruit. Apples and bananas are good, although bananas get pretty bruised after a day. I like the Banana Guard to keep my bananas fresh!

There is Something Wrong with Me

There is seriously something wrong with me that I can eat 5 small creme puffs, a pint of Ben and Jerry's, a dinner, and still be looking for more food in the same evening. That was my Tuesday night.

You may have guessed from my radio silence that the dieting has not been going so well.  The exercise was doing all right, but took two weeks off for surgery and recovery. Tonight I'm determined to go for a run again -- right before surgery I was able to run 1.5 miles without stopping! That's the most I've ever run in one stretch.

I had to go out today and buy larger tops for my new job, and a larger pair of jeans. It's so humiliating to buy clothes in a size UP instead of DOWN. I've been flipping through diet plan after diet plan and just eating everything anyway. Time to just simply count calories for awhile, I think. I know weight loss is more complicated than "calories in, calories out," but I can't get control over my binging any other way.

Today I was 177.8. That's the highest weight I've been since 2007. I am so disappointed to have backslid so far. I'm determined to lose 2.8 pounds by Monday. I have to think small and manageable. I have to get control of my life again. 

A new way of eating, a new way of life.

I'm taking a break from agonizing over an applied linguistics paper to update on my progress with Slow Carb after two weeks. The results? Not bad.

I barely lost any weight this week, but things got muddled with the Yom Kippur holiday, and I essentially took three cheat days (with a 24 fast within that 72 hours). This led to me only losing a pound, HOWEVER, my measurements look much better! My stomach is definitely getting smaller, and my body fat percentage has gone from 43.85% on 9/26 to 39.2% today. I like being in the 30s...looks much less like half my body is made of fat.

The cheat days proved to me what I discovered last week. Popcorn tastes like cardboard. Olive Garden is just disgusting. Sweet things generally taste too sweet (my beloved chocolate marshmallows? Not so beloved anymore). I still love ice cream with every fiber of my being.

I noticed how I felt over the weekend. Too full, too uncomfortable, too tired. I feel healthier when I'm eating Slow Carb. Don't get me wrong, the only way I've lasted this long is the cheat days. If I had to eat this way straight through the week with no break, I'd fall off the wagon in a big way.

I mostly succeeded in eating beans twice a day, either with breakfast and lunch or lunch and dinner. I'm trying to stick with that plan this week. I'm also limiting my almonds; the book warns that they can get out of control -- but when they're covered with cocoa powder and cinnamon, they're just SO GOOD! This week I'm limiting almonds to three days.

I'm also recommitting to Zumba. I haven't been since before I went to Cincinnati a month ago. It's time to get back, even if it's just two times a week.

I'm disappointed that my weight is still so high, but I'm really encouraged by the body fat drop. I checked the book back out from the library, and I'm going to stick with it through another week!