It would be so much easier if...

It would be so much easier if....

If I would just run a mile or two every day.

If I would do yoga every morning.

If I would do situps every day.

If I would just stop eating sugar/carbs.

If I would eat more vegetables.

If I would move more.

If I would eat fewer pre-packaged foods and cook more.

If I would stop eating when I'm full.

If I wouldn't eat my emotions.

If I would stop making excuses.

Food Panic

I've been trying to be more intuitive about my eating, and I noticed something.

I have Food Panic.

I went to my parents in Cincinnati for Thanksgiving, and ate absolutely everything all weekend long. The last day I was so absolutely sick of food. I got to the airport that evening and bought myself a slice of food court pizza. I finished it while waiting at the gate. The flight attendant comes over the PA and announces that there is no meal on this flight, even in first class, so people may want to go get something now.

Ok, let's look at this. 1) I'm flying economy, so I'm not getting a meal even if it's lunchtime. 2) I ate all weekend, and 3) I just ate a slice of pizza. This announcement should not have applied to me.

Yet as soon as I heard it, I got the Food Panic. No food on the flight? It's three and a half hours! What will I do?! I had to actively talk myself out of going to get more food, because clearly I didn't need it. On the plane I snacked on a small pack of peanuts, a few Starburst, and a chocolate covered marshmallow.

Heading to work Tuesday, I was hit again with Food Panic. I'd eaten well all day; a healthy breakfast and lunch. I was full after lunch. I didn't have a snack in the afternoon. On my way to work about 4:45pm for a two-hour shift, I had the Food Panic. I didn't bring a snack! I'd have nothing to eat for over two hours! I had to stop myself from running into the grocery for a banana. While it would be healthy, I think it's important not to give in to the Food Panic.

I do try to keep my purse stocked with a few snacks to keep the Food Panic away. There's never been a time when I've truly gone hungry. And yet the idea of being unprepared and hungry for a few hours triggers an anxiety that I have to fight.

Top Five Purse Snacks to Fight Food Panic
5. Larabars. THESE ARE SO GOOD. Apple pie is a good flavor.
4. 100-calorie snack packs. I like the Snackwell's caramel chocolate popcorn and Baked Cheetos.
3. Candy. Not the healthiest option, but satisfies a sweet craving.
2. Nuts. Peanuts, cocoa-covered almonds, cinnamon-covered almonds, trail mix. It's a good, healthy source of protein.
1. Fruit. Apples and bananas are good, although bananas get pretty bruised after a day. I like the Banana Guard to keep my bananas fresh!

There is Something Wrong with Me

There is seriously something wrong with me that I can eat 5 small creme puffs, a pint of Ben and Jerry's, a dinner, and still be looking for more food in the same evening. That was my Tuesday night.

You may have guessed from my radio silence that the dieting has not been going so well.  The exercise was doing all right, but took two weeks off for surgery and recovery. Tonight I'm determined to go for a run again -- right before surgery I was able to run 1.5 miles without stopping! That's the most I've ever run in one stretch.

I had to go out today and buy larger tops for my new job, and a larger pair of jeans. It's so humiliating to buy clothes in a size UP instead of DOWN. I've been flipping through diet plan after diet plan and just eating everything anyway. Time to just simply count calories for awhile, I think. I know weight loss is more complicated than "calories in, calories out," but I can't get control over my binging any other way.

Today I was 177.8. That's the highest weight I've been since 2007. I am so disappointed to have backslid so far. I'm determined to lose 2.8 pounds by Monday. I have to think small and manageable. I have to get control of my life again. 

A new way of eating, a new way of life.

I'm taking a break from agonizing over an applied linguistics paper to update on my progress with Slow Carb after two weeks. The results? Not bad.

I barely lost any weight this week, but things got muddled with the Yom Kippur holiday, and I essentially took three cheat days (with a 24 fast within that 72 hours). This led to me only losing a pound, HOWEVER, my measurements look much better! My stomach is definitely getting smaller, and my body fat percentage has gone from 43.85% on 9/26 to 39.2% today. I like being in the 30s...looks much less like half my body is made of fat.

The cheat days proved to me what I discovered last week. Popcorn tastes like cardboard. Olive Garden is just disgusting. Sweet things generally taste too sweet (my beloved chocolate marshmallows? Not so beloved anymore). I still love ice cream with every fiber of my being.

I noticed how I felt over the weekend. Too full, too uncomfortable, too tired. I feel healthier when I'm eating Slow Carb. Don't get me wrong, the only way I've lasted this long is the cheat days. If I had to eat this way straight through the week with no break, I'd fall off the wagon in a big way.

I mostly succeeded in eating beans twice a day, either with breakfast and lunch or lunch and dinner. I'm trying to stick with that plan this week. I'm also limiting my almonds; the book warns that they can get out of control -- but when they're covered with cocoa powder and cinnamon, they're just SO GOOD! This week I'm limiting almonds to three days.

I'm also recommitting to Zumba. I haven't been since before I went to Cincinnati a month ago. It's time to get back, even if it's just two times a week.

I'm disappointed that my weight is still so high, but I'm really encouraged by the body fat drop. I checked the book back out from the library, and I'm going to stick with it through another week!

Week One and Keeping on

Yesterday I weighed in at the completion of my first week on Slow Carb. I lost a net weight of 4 pounds for the week (cheat day bumped me back up 2 pounds). Still, I'm happy to be four pounds down (and five as of this morning). I took my measurements and although my stomach measured bigger (HOW THE HELL?) my thighs were one inch smaller than last week. I did lower my body fat percentage, but only by less than 1%.

I feel it was successful enough and produced enough benefits to keep at it for another week. My goals for this week are to include beans in at least 2 out of 3 meals. Yesterday and today I had eggs, spinach and black beans with turkey bacon. Yesterday for lunch I had my DELICIOUS balsamic chicken leftovers, and there are black beans in that. I bought a white bean soup that I'll probably have for lunch today.

I've run and walked one mile every day of October so far.

--OH GOOD GOD, NEIGHBOR, WHY ARE YOU RUNNING YARD EQUIPMENT BEFORE 8am? I really need to get that airhorn --

Ahem. Sorry. So my exercise has been good, and I'm going to keep going to Crossfit to build strength. (And Zumba...need to go at least 5 times this month to make my monthly pass worth it)

Only three more days until the next cheat day, which I'm splitting in half because of Yom Kippur. I'll eat normal Slow Carb for breakfast and lunch on Friday, then "cheat" a little from 1-6:30pm. I'll fast until 6:30pm Saturday night, and then attend a break the fast potluck with some friends.

Binge Day

Things I have consumed on this, my binge day:

• 2 scrambled eggs and liquid egg whites (supposed to start the day with normal plan breakfast)
• 2 Kroger cupcakes
• 2 caramel apples
• 2 tablespoons Betty Crocker whipped cream cheese frosting
•  3/4 of a Route 44 cherry limeade and large tater tots from Sonic (had a coupon for free Rt. 44 beverage)
• 2 Starburst
• 3 brownies
• Honeycrisp apple
• Small frozen yogurt
• Large frozen yogurt (I was REALLY craving this one place that has awesome flavors and toppings)
• Small popcorn
• Four pieces of cheese pizza 

(Notice: NO MEAT)
What? I told you I had a binging problem. A few weeks ago that might have been a normal day.

I can notice the differences this diet has made already. Friday night I was SOO excited to eat normal foods. Then I woke up this morning and ate my eggs and realized...I didn't really feel the need to go crazy. (Obviously I did anyway)

I noticed foods taste different, especially processed foods. The Kroger cupcakes with the whippy icing I used to love didn't taste as good. The canned frosting tasted awful...pure sugar and no flavor. The Starburst were WAY too sweet. The buttered popcorn that I used to savor tasted like cardboard. (The frozen yogurt and fruit still tasted amazing. I am never not going to love ice cream)

A new follower on Twitter suggested that I think of it not as a binge day, but a cheat day. I don't have to stuff myself for the week. I can just get a taste or two of things I miss. I'm chalking today up as a week one experiment, but next week I'll definitely take that advice. Next week's cheat day will also be Friday until sundown, because I'll be fasting on Saturday for Yom Kippur.

My main goal for the coming week, besides my new 1-mile-a-day running challenge with my friend, is to add more beans to my meals. Especially black beans, since I can stand them. Black beans and eggs. Black beans in the salads. Trader Joe's had a tasty white bean thing I sampled and then didn't buy. MORE BEANS.

As much as I complain about the boring foods, the uber proteins and the disgusting beans, I've eaten whole, unprocessed foods for the last five days and drank more water than ever. For some reason a high protein diet makes me really thirsty, and I can down 6 or 7 24-oz cups of lemon water a day, compared to the 3 I drank today (and really had to force down).

We'll see my weigh-in results for Monday. I don't think the weight will be as good as it was this morning (down 6 pounds), but I bet the body fat percentage is lower!

Making It

I've successfully made it to day five with no cheating except a bite of a piece of blue cheese the Boyfriend gave me when he wanted to discern whether or not it was a piece of cheese (he's lactose intolerant). I ate a small bite and set the rest of the piece aside. In the grand scheme it probably really wouldn't have mattered if I ate an entire crumble of cheese, but I needed to know for myself that I could stick this out.

I'll be honest, the knowledge that binge day is tomorrow has done a lot to help keep me on track. This is the longest I've made it on a low carb diet in years. I can't see doing strict low/no-carb for an extended period of time. I need a break.

AND OH, HOW I SHALL FEAST!! I went to the store today and bought bananas, cupcakes, brownie mix, caramel apples and canned frosting. And popcorn. And I'll probably have a pizza. AND NO MEAT. God, I am sick to death of meat.

I hope this binge thing works. I know it's not the best theory health-wise. For someone who already has binging problems, giving them the go-ahead to binge their heart out once a week? Not addressing any underlying issues that got me where I am. But I'm doing this now because I need a strict plan I can stick to in order to get this weight off. I've lost four pounds so far this week, and I'd love to drop another one or two.

We'll see how weigh-in goes on Monday! At the very least I'd love to see a change in my body fat percentage, because last Monday's was a huge eye-opener.

Progress

Hey, look at that! I've made it through two slow-carb days in a row! AND I've lost 4 pounds in two days! That's a pretty strong motivator to keep me going.

Yesterday afternoon I was definitely feeling the "too much protein gonna hurl need carbs/sugar NOW" shakes. Around 4pm I thought I was starving, but I couldn't face eating any on plan food. Even peanuts tasted bad. I wanted dinner RIGHT THEN AND THERE. I forced myself to wait until 5pm. By 5, I thought I could hold off until 5:30, and by 5:30 I was feeling pretty all right. I didn't start dinner until 6:15pm, which is a much more respectable time, and it shows that I can get through the cravings.

I did go to bed with a nasty carb/sugar withdrawal headache though. I'm not sure what this cheat day is going to do for that...I feel better about no carbs, I gorge on carbs, and then I'm right back to going through this withdrawal :-\

Today I'm going to try a Crossfit class this afternoon, since I have a Groupon and two of my friends have been doing really well with it. I feel better since getting over yesterday; I feel like I can make it to Saturday and beyond!

Just eggs and spinach -- out of turkey bacon.

It tastes better than it looks - slow cooked balsamic vinegar chicken with tomatoes, black beans and quinoa

Nothing thrilling - grilled chicken with spices and salad with EVOO and balsamic vinegar

Do You Like Beans?

Do you eat beans with George Wendt? (Animaniacs)

For the last few weeks, my eating has been out of control. I flew home to Cincinnati for 8 days for a wedding, and I ate everything in sight -- good, comfort Cincinnati foods like Skyline Chili and La Rosa's, but also crap foods like candy and Steak 'N Shake.

As a result, of course, my weight is now the highest it has been in years. I'm at a weight I swore I'd never go back to.

For the last few weeks I've also been reading The Four Hour Body by Tim Ferriss. He promotes what he calls a "slow carb" diet that's stricter than any low-carb diet I've done (mostly South Beach). No dairy at all. No fruits, LOTS of beans. I hate beans. What's kind of selling me on this diet is that it's encouraged to take a cheat day. All you can eat of whatever you want one day a week.

Now, let me say that I know proper nutrition. I know fruits aren't the devil. I know it's better to eat whole, clean foods all the time, and not a good idea to gorge yourself on junk. But the book is very persuasive in its results. So I'm giving it a try.

Have I mentioned I hate beans? It's a texture thing, really. They're grainy and chewy and UGH.

The author recommends taking pictures of your meals to keep you honest. Yesterday I had scrambled eggs with spinach and turkey bacon for breakfast

NO BEANS

a salad with salmon, kalamata olives, black beans, egg and artichoke hearts for lunch, and a "fajita bowl" consisting of grilled chicken, pinto beans and guacamole for dinner.

It tastes worse than it looks.

No pictures of lunch, but trust me, it was delicious. Dinner not so much. Oh God, how I hate pinto beans. I ate a few good forkfuls and then just ate the chicken pieces.

Snacks included turkey jerky (but at $5 a bag, I'm trying to ration it), peanuts and almonds with cocoa powder and cinnamon.

I made it through day one. I'm really only sure I can do this at all because of the cheat day. The last few times I've tried South Beach, I get so nauseous from all the meat and protein by around day three or four, that I just give up. Ferriss states up front in his book that this is not a fun diet. I have a whole closet full of clothes I can't wear. I'm ready for less fun.

This Week's Diet

This week I'm following the "Eat everything in the fridge/freezer" diet. I'm trying to eat up all the perishables before I leave town for an 8-day visit to Ohio. Once I return, I'm going to try a new Way of Eating that doesn't allow dairy, so I'm trying to eat it all up. It's not very weight-loss effective, but it's nice on my wallet.

I know I'm not going to be counting Points while I'm in Ohio, because there are too many rare, tasty treats that I don't have access to here in Tucson. They taste better than losing weight, to be perfectly honest. UDF Cherry Cordial, Skyline Chili, LaRosa's pizza, Panera, Steak 'n Shake, Sake, First Watch....I'm just going to try and not go overboard like I've done the past few times I've been home. The plan is to try and limit myself to one Ohio treat a day.

Although Dad and I are going to a Red's game where I may have a Skyline coney and UDF ice cream in a Red's hat.

Is it wrong that I associate events with food like that? :-\

I am eating a baguette with warm brie and granny smith apples.

Don't judge me.

Vacation

 

 

 

An idyllic lunch.

Boyfriend and I spent the weekend at a local resort in celebration of our one-year anniversary together. It was a vacation, and I ate without tracking points.

I'm not the type to say, "Well, I'm on vacation, but dieting, so I'll just have a salad and water." I think, "I'm on vacation, and there are some award-winning pastries to be eaten!" This isn't to say that all efforts towards health go out the window, but I love food. If I have a chance to taste something I probably won't get a chance to taste again, I want to eat it. I believe in Eating to Live and Loving Life. It's the reason horribly restrictive diets don't work well for me (South Beach, Atkins, anything saying NO). If you tell me I can never have a piece of cake again, well I'd rather just stay fat.

I did exercise; I earned 31 Activity Points for the week, which is the most I've been able to earn so far. Friday morning I ran, and then we swam at night. Saturday we went on a 4.5 mile hike in the canyon during the hottest part of the day and swam at night, and Sunday I swam laps in the morning. This is all more physical activity than I've been able to keep up in a long time, and I want to keep it going! They say it takes 21 days to make a habit, so I'm trying to work out for 21 days in a row. Seven days down, 14 to go!

Kryptonite

Uh oh. They're back.

Mwahaha, I'm going to haunt your thoughts until you eat me!

Russell Stover chocolate marshmallows. They (and Frosted Flakes) are my kryptonite. I don't buy Frosted Flakes because I will pretty much eat the entire box in one sitting. Oh, there's some milk left over. I'll just add a little more cereal. Now I'm out of milk. I'll just add a little more. Now there's milk left over. I'll just add more cerealREPEATUNTILBOXISGONE.

Russell Stover chocolate marshmallows aren't quite as bad, but they're still irresistible. I would show you a picture of the actual product, except I ALREADY ATE IT. These chocolate marshmallows come in a variety of shapes from Halloween through Easter -- chocolate pumpkins, chocolate turkeys, chocolate Santas, chocolate hearts, and chocolate eggs or bunnies. The day after Easter this year I went to 8 different Walgreen's hoping to buy up their stock. I didn't think I'd be seeing them again so soon...at 3 Points apiece, they can not become a daily habit again!

But oh, the chocolatey goodness. The chocolate marshmallow is so soft and melts in my mouth, and then the chocolate coating adds a little bit of crunch and just enough sweetness -- excuse me, I have to go to Walgreens.

What's your kryptonite? How do you deal with it? Do you refuse to allow it in your home (like Frosted Flakes) or do you try and ration it like chocolate marshmallows? Mmm....chocolate marshmallows.

Question

How many Points is it if I share my Laughing Cow with my cat?

You gonna eat all that?

I tried telling her I needed every precious calorie, but she was rather insistent.

Shooting Myself in the Foot

Yesterday was the first day I ate "on plan" since last Monday.  Today I weighed myself. In one week, I did 5 pounds worth of damage to my body and my progress. I know I can't beat myself up over this, or I'll just repeat the cycle, but at this point I fear I'll never get out of the binge/diet routine. I've gotten out of it in the past...for years even.

I like to eat. I like food. I enjoy going out to local restaurants. But there's a balance that I'm clearly missing. I can't keep going between EAT ALL THE THING and EAT NOTHING. Research has clearly shown yo-yo dieting is seriously harmful to the body.


Here I am, back on plan again. I'm taking this one day at a time. Yesterday I was good, I even exercised. Today I have been good. One day at a time.

Have you heard of Fitocracy? It's an awesome new website that gives you points for each workout you do. You earn achievements and can "level up" just like a game. Last night I ran/walked and earned 66 points. Almost to level 2! Working out is definitely more fun when there's incentives :-)

Trying to Catch Up with the Wagon

This week I did something not-so-bright. I entered Tucson's Cake Bake-Off contest on Tuesday. This involved baking 30 tres leches cupcakes on Monday. Tres leches cupcakes involving sweetened condensed milk. I had too many tablespoon tastes.


Then at the event itself, there were CAKES. Cakes to TASTE. I had to taste cakes.

And it's been a quick slip from one or two bad days to, well I may as well eat everything. The worst part? I didn't even win the contest!

We had pizza the other night, and instead of counting Points on it and limiting myself to two slices, I ate four. And then I had heartburn. I realized, I've been feeling really good since I've been eating right and exercising -- I've had natural energy and no heartburn or sick stomach. I've been hungry and sleepy, but that's the worst of it. There really is something to this healthy eating thing.

The wagon is rolling down a hill, and I'm trying to catch up with it. What are your tips or suggestions for getting back after a binge?

Monday Weigh In: Week Four

Lost another two pounds this week. I was hoping for more, but I know two pounds is a good rate. 23 more to go!

I'm just waiting for my clothes to start fitting better. My large shorts are getting a little loose, but that's really the only difference I've noticed. I still won't be able into most of the clothes I own until I lose another seven pounds.

Did I mention I'm a bridesmaid in a wedding in five weeks? FIVE WEEKS. I am buckling down and working hard. My goal this week is to burn 20 Activity Points (4-5 days of workouts).

Speaking of workouts, Zumba today. There was a new girl that I felt really sorry for. Zumba is hard when you first start out, trying to catch up with the choreography and figure out the moves, plus keeping abs and glutes tight the whole time. This poor girl had absolutely zero rhythm. Even with a simple step-touch, she was all out of synch.

Then another woman came in, dressed in a cutesy little workout outfit and a full face of makeup. EXCUSE ME? I'm sorry, did you just show up to Zumba in FULL MAKEUP? What the fuck, lady. You are not impressing anyone. You're just going to look like a clown when you sweat all that off, and you will sweat. Even if you do the routines at low-impact, it's still a workout. I barely brush my hair to workout. Put on a bandana, and I'm ready to move.

It's tough to keep up the motivation to keep exercising, and I'm always surprised at how good I feel at the end of a workout. Today it's already 11:15am, and I've burned 1500 calories. What have YOU done today to move towards a healthier lifestyle?

How do you break the binge eating cycle?

This is a perfectly valid question being asked on the Weight Watchers Online Message Boards. I'm fighting the urge to binge every day, and I've been "on points" for eight days now.  

I want...
I want cupcakes. I want ice cream. I want a big breakfast of chocolate chip pancakes and eggs. I want to be able to eat something without worrying about the points.

Last Friday we went to a self-serve frozen yogurt place that's new in town. Thanks to Hungry Girl's tips on these places, I was able to calculate the points before leaving the house. I portioned one cup of yogurt into my giant cup, two tablespoons of marachino cherries, one tablespoon of cheesecake bites and two tablespoons of hot fudge. It was a large meals worth of points, but I hadn't touched my Weekly Points for the week, so it was fine. It was SO GOOD, and really satisfied my craving for an ice cream sundae. Yeah, it's still junk food, but it was an appropriate portion size and I tracked with my Weekly Points instead of just giving up and giving in.

Tip: If you fill this cup, it's probably a days worth of Points.

The problem I have is when I see people on the boards say "Oh, I know, binging is such a problem for me! I never use my Weekly Points. Today I had 15 nilla wafers [approximately 8 points]; I'm such a pig!"

Seriously? This is not a binge. Call me when you've gone through a half gallon of amaretto cherry cordial.

First of all, if your "binge" is 15 nilla wafers, then I don't know how you got fat in the first place. For most of us a binge is not counted; it's out of control eating and then you look back and go, "Whoa, what did I just do??"

Second, WHY AREN'T YOU EATING YOUR WEEKLY POINTS?! I'm not saying eat all of them, or even to eat when you aren't hungry. But 29 daily points is approximately 1,100 calories (hard to pinpoint since points don't take calories into account). That is really low. On the old plan, I ate around 1,500 calories a day. The Weekly Points are there to supplement the daily points. They're not shameful. You're not cooler or holier-than-thou because you don't eat them. You're just setting yourself up for a plateau as your body clings to every last bit of calories and fat you give it.

Some of the folks on the boards can be very competitive...trying to out-do each other with how little they can eat. I know this is not good Weight Watchers policy and they don't condone it, but they do make it easy for people to fall into a destructive eating spiral. If you have a genuine fear of eating all your daily points, or touching your weekly points, I urge you to go to a meeting or talk with a nutritionist or specialist.

Healthy eating is not all or nothing. We don't need to be afraid of food.

Monday Weigh In: Week Three

I weighed in this morning and discovered I lost four pounds! Four down, 24 to go. I noticed yesterday that my "fat" shorts were feeling loose as I was jumping around on the Dance Dance Revolution pad. I was even able to eat almost "normally" over the weekend thanks to my Weekly Points, going to get frozen yogurt, spaghetti and meat sauce, and pizza.

I worked out five days last week, and I feel like that's a good number. The body really does need a day or two of rest, although I might add some strength training on those days. Shooting for five days of workouts this week, if my body will let me...

I dutifully got up at 7:30am to go to Zumba class this morning. Fine, no problems. As soon as I get there, I realize my right knee is hurting. I did the whole class, but at low intensity. When I got home my knee was swollen, so now I'm elevating it and alternating between ice and hot packs. Boyfriend has been very helpful getting me food and packs and drinks. I'm going to have to eat the broccoli and cheese pack that's been melting on my knee for the last hour.

Speaking of drinks, I haven't had any alcohol in a week. I'm as shocked as you are. Especially since I have Caramel Bailey's in my fridge. So much wine, left undrunk! It's a crying shame. But until I get into the next level of 10s, I'm not going to drink my calories. Sorry, Caramel Bailey's. You're just going to have to sit in the fridge and be delicious by yourself.

Product Review Tuesday: Trader Joe's Mini Cones - 2 WW PP

Oh. My. God.

If you're looking for a quick, low-point chocolate fix, look no further. The chocolate Mini Cones from Trader Joe's are the best diet snack I've found.

They're tiny, so they're not going to be very filling. But if you're just craving chocolate now, now, NOW, this will silence that craving. The chocolate shell is rich and melts on your tongue, and the chocolate ice cream is so perfectly creamy. I love ice cream. I always crave ice cream. It could be -40 degrees, and I'd want ice cream. This is good ice cream. The cone is soft and chewy, which actually goes well with the creamy ice cream.

Why should you listen to me? I come from a city FAMOUS for ice cream. Graeter's ice cream in Cincinnati is beloved by celebrities and regular folk for being rich and creamy. THIS ICE CREAM RIVALS GRAETERS. It feels so naughty, which kinda feels good.

These cones come eight to a pack, and they're not individually wrapped. Good for the planet, bad for temptation. Of course I don't want to stop at just one, and at only 2 points, I could probably get away with having two. There's better things to spend points on, I have to keep repeating. These are a treat you don't have to feel guilty about!

Monday Weigh In: Week Two

So I weighed in this morning!

It was....not good. I was perfect on Monday and Tuesday, but then when I got sick, I got lazy. I wanted comfort foods, and it hurt too much to exercise. This weekend I was feeling better but still didn't get right back on plan, and now I'm paying for it.

Mostly I'm just mad at myself because I'm freaking paying for WW Online, and I basically just wasted a week's worth of money.  Looking at it that way suddenly made it a lot easier for me to get serious.

I start a new job today, which will also help. Getting out of the house and not sitting on my ass with the kitchen calling "Penny....come eat me..." will be a tremendous benefit. I've started running/walking in the morning (I've been perpetually stuck on the Couch to 5k week one plan -- I can't run longer than 30 seconds right now), and during my break this morning I went back to Zumba class! Hey, I've earned six activity points! Awesome.

Check back tomorrow for an AMAZING food review. Crave chocolate? You're gonna want to find these!

Giving In

I won't go into too much detail (I save that for my lucky LiveJournal friends), but Tuesday night I took a new-to-me pill and had a BAD reaction to it that left me up most of the night sitting on the couch whimpering in pain.

Sitting in the living room at 4 in the morning, watching anything at all on TV to get my mind off the pain, I gave in to cravings. I ate a bag of microwave popcorn, a Cadbury Creme Egg, and a bowl of shredded wheat. I tracked it!

Late Wednesday night the pain came back, and I spent a few hours in the urgent care. They gave me Oxycodone! God bless those doctors and their liberal pain medication policy. I knew I needed to eat something substantial before taking the Oxycodone or I'd just throw it all back up. When Boyfriend offered to get me Sonic, I didn't think "Hmmm, I should stick to my diet;" I just said "Popcorn chicken and mozzarella sticks, please!"

And I tracked it all. I went WAYY over my points, but amazingly I still have some flex points left for the week.

Frankly, I don't want to live in a world where the kind of pain I was in is not rewarded with a cherry limeade.

The "L" Word

This might be my biggest pet peeve in all the diet-verse. It’s Hooked on Phonics 101, people. When you lose weight, your clothes become loose. Nothing makes me judge you harder than misspelling this word (unless you spell "dessert" as "desert." I live in the desert. It is not a sweet treat). One “o” makes the z sound. Two make the s sound. It’s so prevalent throughout the online weight communities, that I think smart people are actually beginning to doubt themselves and start using the wrong word.

Nowhere, however, have I seen anything as bad as this one acquaintance I used to know. She was successful on Weight Watchers, and even became an employee. But she always used to say both online and out loud that she “loss” 50 pounds. A friend of mine used to joke that she must have lost the “t” somewhere in there too. This was the same girl who told us she didn’t want to eat at a Thai restaurant because she didn’t like “thigh” food.

I'm not saying everyone on the internet needs to be a spelling bee winner, but if you're a part of a certain community, it would behoove you to be able to properly spell key words.

My boyfriend would like to add the point that we shouldn't be saying "lose" weight anyway, as that plants the thought in our mind that it's something we need to find and get back, generally in a half gallon of ice cream. He recommends switching to "closer to my target weight." All hail the power of positive thinking!

Junk Food Withdrawal

I hate aspartame. I hate fake sweeteners. And yet, I just gobbled up a Yoplait Light Fat Free Strawberry Shortcake yogurt like it was a dish of Ben and Jerry’s Volun-tiramisu ice cream (have you tried that shit yet? BEST. ICE CREAM. EVER.) I would have licked the inside of the yogurt container if I could have gotten my face all the way in there.

What is it about “officially” starting a diet that makes the food panic come? Suddenly today I’m starving. But I’m not starving. I’ve been binging for weeks, to the point that I make myself ill. Yesterday I ate moderately, trying to follow the plan, but still had some treats. Today, being no-more-excuses day, I am starving and panicked about getting enough food.

Also, my body is acting like I’m torturing it. I assure you, I’m eating plenty and including fruits and veggies – it’s only halfway through the day and I’ve had an apple and a banana. Yet when I tried to do a mere half hour of Zumba, my favorite go-to workout, my body tried to poop out at 10 minutes in. Shaking, tummy growling, I finished the half hour and earned my two damn activity points. If the afternoon storms cool the temperatures down, I’ll try and go for a walk later (it’s summer in the desert, no one does anything aerobic unless the sun is down or it’s storming).

It feels like the sugar/carb withdrawal you get with the South Beach Diet. I’ve had plenty of sugar and carbs today, but I haven’t overdone them. I didn’t realize how badly I’d messed my body up with the weeks of binging L Just trying to make it through today, and hopefully tomorrow will be better.

Dieting – You’re Doing it Wrong

Nothing makes me snarkier than listening to someone who doesn’t know how to diet try and explain to others how their way is “totally gonna work” and obviously makes perfect scientific sense.

The basic premise of losing weight is Eat Fewer Calories than You Burn, but it’s not quite that simple. Last week I was having lunch with my aunt, and she was telling me how she was so bummed because she’d been working out two hours per day and only eating 1000 or fewer calories, and she still managed to gain a pound. NO SHIT. You are starving your body and sending it in to starvation mode. It’s going to hang on to every precious calorie you allow it. Not to mention you’re messing up your metabolism so even if you eat “normally,” your body will still want to hold on to calories.

An old college acquaintance of mine has recently begun following the new PointsPlus program, and is documenting her progress on FaceBook.  The last time I saw her, she was in the upper 200s. She is assigned 29 daily points, just as I am. The first three weeks she had very large losses, over 3 pounds each week. Last week she only lost a pound. So she has decided to take it into her own hands and cut down her points – now she’ll only eat 26 points until she’s over this “plateau.” I want to shake her.

1. One week does not a plateau make.
2. Are you exercising? At all? You might want to start there before you start cutting out points.
3. Normal, healthy weight loss is 1-2 pounds a week. YOU ARE DOING FINE. Losing more several weeks in a row is unhealthy, and if you couple it with no exercise, you’re gonna end up with a lot of loose skin. Trust me.
4. Going from 29 to 26 points is probably not going to mess up your body. But what about when  you hit a “plateau” on 26 points? How low are you willing to go?
5. Suck up a low loss week, eat a different variety of foods, and exercise more. Trust the damned program.

Look, I’ve been there. The Weight Watchers program can be particularly triggering to eating disorders, even if you’re not prone to them. I remember playing the “how few points can I eat in a day” game with the old system. The answer was eight. That is about 600 calories. That is fucked up. Starving yourself never leads to anything good. It either turns in to full-blown anorexia or it leads to a binge. Whatever diet plan you’re on, it was designed by marketers experts, so can you try to trust them for a measly four weeks?

The Food Log Dilemma

I went back and forth for a few days deciding whether I’d post my daily food log on this blog or not. Yeah, it’s good for keeping me accountable to the entire internet, but is it sufficiently snarky? I finally decided to go ahead and do it, and here’s why.

There’s lots of people out there who find reading someone else’s daily food logs annoying, pointless and a waste of time. If you’re one of those people, have no fear, I’ll always post my log after a jump, which you are more than welcome to speed by without clicking.

But I know that I, personally, enjoy seeing other people’s food logs. It gives me ideas of what to eat, ideas of how many points certain things are and introduces me to foods I might not have known existed. If you enjoy any of those things, feel free to read and comment on my food logs. Let me know if you see a way I can cut a few more points (warning: I will never eat fat-free mayonnaise, so don’t even suggest it) or can recommend something you think I’d like based on eating patterns. I hope we can be of some help to each other!

The Continuing Journey

Here's the cliffs notes version of my last seven years of dieting.

I currently weigh 167 pounds, and my goal weight is 140 pounds. At 5'4", that's a moderate, healthy weight.

Looking taller than I really am on 7/10/11.

My highest weight ever was 265 pounds -- thanks to emotional eating and an abusive relationship.

Let's ignore the fact that I'm cosplaying...5/2002

I can't stop staring at my legs! They look like tree trunks!

My lowest weight was 147 pounds.

In French clothes, even! 1/2010

 I began making a concerted effort to lose weight in 2004.  I spent six months on the South Beach Diet, and I got down to about 240. I like the philosophy, but it just didn't work for me. I became hyperglycemic, shaky and ill. It defeats the purpose of avoiding sugars if it takes a Mountain Dew to bring my blood sugar back up.

I switched to the Weight Watchers plan in 2005. I attended meetings off and on, but mostly I did it on my own.

I was a hardcore Dance Dance Revolution player from 2005-2008, and I ended up in one of those supermarket magazines touting "Lose weight playing video games!" Jennifer Aniston was on the cover.

I am clearly not a professional model. 9/2008

My last two years of university in 2008/2009 were my most productive. I was going to class full time, working 30 hours a week, and still getting up at 6am to workout for a few hours before my 8:30am class. I'd get home from work after 9pm, do homework and crash. I was too busy to binge. On winter, spring and summer breaks however, when my frantic pace came to a crashing halt, I filled up the time with food.

I lived in France for the 2009/2010 school year, and my weight yo-yo'd from 164 to 147 and back to 164 by the time I got home. I was doing a lot of walking, but an eclair or chocolatine and a can of Oragnina do not a healthy breakfast make.

In fall 2010 I moved to Tucson. Grad school gave me daily panic attacks and dropped my weight back down to 150. A little extra work and I got it back to 147. But I've been unemployed for nearly 10 months, socially anxious, and spending a lot of time on the couch. When my boyfriend wants to eat junk food, I find it hard to say no. And so I've gained gained gained!

This is some crazy yo-yo'ing, yo. I'm ready to hit my goal weight and stay there. Sunday begins my newest journey with Weight Watchers Online.

What are your diet histories? Have you had success with WW Online or another plan? Let me know in the comments!

Yet Another Weight-Loss Blog

 Does the internet really need another blog chronicling a woman's struggles with her weight? Maybe not, but  need an outlet where I can be completely honest. Surprisingly, that place is no longer my friends-only Livejournal that I've had for 10 years. I feel more comfortable seeking support from the entire internet than my small circle of friends.

For many years I avoided any sort of public blogging about my weight because I was afraid some of my old high school classmates would see it and realize I was *gasp* fat. I finally gave in and said screw it because...

5 Reasons I No Longer Care if Someone from High School Thinks I'm Fat

5. Fuck 'em.

Junior year photo - 1994

4. I'm pretty sure they already knew.
3. I compare the time I spent at that school to being in an abusive relationship, and I need to stop letting it control me.
2. My weight is no one's business but my own (and now anyone reading this blog!).
1. No, really, fuck 'em.

Here I am, fat, sassy and ready to get back on the proverbial wagon.

Thanks for joining me.